Queer as Folk !

Gays and Demons

Tue, 26 May 2009 12:18:41 +0800

My very own favorite hobby is seeing movies by myself, am I a loner or was it just plain sad? Well, I am a person who rather to do thing myself without waiting a guy or anyone to tell me to do so. I often managed to sit in the movie enjoying my popcorn and diet coke. Sometimes,I felt the need of getting away from the reality for a few hours with those motion pictures and it felt really good coming out of them.Last week I saw, Angels and Demons. Not a big fan of Catholic, priests or churches but Dan Brown‘s wits of amazement that what drawn me into. If you are religious and unsure if this movie will offend your Catholic principles. I can say that where The DaVinci code painted Catholicism as a shady cover-up group of sadists, Angels and Demons paints them with a much lighter brush. The church is shown as being a collective of good men who are made to suffer for the sins of evil and misguided men who wore their colors and even a few who have infiltrated their modern ranks. Oh well I am not here giving the movie review!! When we were young, we were taught that life was a battle between right and wrong; good versus evil; saints and sinners. Choices, we were taught would have consequences throughout our lives. Christmas was about being nice and not naughty. Religion taught us about the deadly sins and about guilt.Every religion seems to use guilt…making you feel like a sinner…for being who you are and doing what makes you happy. For a long time, Year before, I felt guilty about being gay…I felt like a sinner for fantasising about my male school mates. My first sexual experiences were filled with guilt and remorse. I felt dirty for having homosexual thoughts... It would take me years to be able to equate gay sex with love…and love after all is something very good..something very right and very pure.I read in the paper that the average person says majority of people lies each day even though they would describe themselves as truthful. I could not help and wonder about my day to day life; was I a saint or sinner? Some people making a joke that I will going straight to hell. “Surely I will and I will be hosting a huge party down there, all my friends will be there,” I replied. Maybe hell is one big dance party. Or maybe hell is life on our earth?Saint or Sinner? Somewhere in between.... I still do not know right from wrong…at times I feel like I never learned that basic lesson. There are many deadly sins; Lust, Greed, Gluttony…the list continues. I can see good but I can never seem to get there. I keep going around and around in circles at times being naughty…harming others and myself. Maybe I am waiting to be saved? Maybe this is way to deep for a Saturday night... What do Catholic priests and gay men have in common? They’re both in love with guys named J-e-s-u-s (a Latino in California or Madonna currently boy friend)? They both love to kneel in front of men? Everyone seems to confess their sins to both of them? Maybe all of the above…People seem to tell me all kinds of things….confess all of their secrets…which at times can be too much information and at other times makes for great blog entries. I work in a rather boring environment, so a bit of sex and relationship talk in between morning tea can be the highlight of my day. And perhaps in future, after work I would go to Saint Mary for happy-hour.Watch this, it is too disturbingly funny!VVVV

Lost, Dragged and Jetlagged but I am BACK

Mon, 04 May 2009 16:26:35 +0800

Jet lag is a physiological condition which occurs when there is a disruption of the “light/dark” cycle that entrains the body cardigan rhythm. In other words, we all have an internal clock. When we fly through time zones, it gets fucked up. You wanna eat when everyone is sleeping and you are wide awake at 3 am.I’m suffering from major jet lag. It’s part of any air travel and it can take as many days as the number of time zones to get over it. I should be good in two weeks! Normally, it takes me a week or so to adjust. Jet lag seems to be worst for me when I travel from from east to west.I could not help but think that Jet lag was a bit like break ups. Your body is actually trying to adjust…adjust to life without love. I am again trying to adjust to my single life…and my future. Like jet lag, those fears also keep me up at night…wondering what will happen with the job….thinking about moving back to USA.It has been a 3 days back in Bangkok after spent a month in New York city ( I willl insert my input about this city in later blogging when I have time). I’ve been trying to catch up on all the happenings in the last month. Who knew gay men had so much drama in the period of one month? Breakups, breakdowns, hook ups and sex in the alley…all part of a typical Gay in Bangkok week.When you come back from holidays, everyone and everything seems to be going at a much faster speed. You see things from a different perspective when you completely disconnect yourself from your usual environment (did that make sense). I feel like everyone is running around except me. In city of angels in disguised like Bangkok, it also like in any large city, it seems everyone is looking for something….a job, an apartment, a relationship or a fuck. Some of us are looking for all of the above. Others are just looking to get rid of someone or something in their life.I wondered if couples give up too quickly on each other….it seems anything is worth breaking up over. Breakups, divorces are so common nowadays...I wondered if anyone now stays together? We at times expect perfection and when we see a fault in our human partners, are we too quick to say “NEXT?” I often think and wondering whether are we too quickly judged assumed things in relatioship. Sure there were problems..and we did break up once before. When you are in a relationship, you often take your partner for granted. But when he’s gone, you realise what you had. I did not want anyone to make the same mistake or look back and realise it’s too late to go back and fix thing.. Having said that I wondered if time did change things? Pros versus Con…happy versus sad?

MILK

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 12:50:31 +0800

While we are still on the heights of excitement from watching the best Oscar show ever, I would like to point your attention to the best speech of the evening bellow on video. Dustin Lance Black who won the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for writing Milk said some great things that should be heard all over this country.My boyfriend called me the night after the awards were given and mentioned that I had to find and watch the VDO of this Lance guy. The speech that it shook up all the anti gay marriage to the core. Also hope-giving to the people in LGBT to have something to look up for and keep believing that one of these days our rights to be equal in marriage will soon be arriving. I then searched his speech and found and not to my surprise of what MILK's success in many awards. I watched this film a while ago and certainly agreed with all its success. The VDO was one of the tearjerkers of the night but his speech especially one of the best that I had ever heard.... GO LANCE! In openly gay writer Dustin Lance Black's moving acceptance speech he called for LGBT equality: "If Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he'd want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches or by the government or by their families that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights, federally, across this great nation of ours."Black explained that he was 13 years old from a conservative Texas family when he first heard the story of Harvey Milk and that the story gave him the courage to be himself and to believe that he could live an open life, be accepted and even fall in love and get married. Black's wedding ring glowed in the bright lights and he wore a white knot. In the crowd, the Milk producers also wore white knot, a symbol of support for marriage equality.During Sean Penn's acceptance speech he also called attention to LGBT equality. "I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way of support. We've got to have equal rights for everyone,”

Before Valentine

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:03:59 +0800

I am not expecting any chocolates or flowers on this up coming Saturday. I normally try not to celebrate this Hallmark holiday. Instead, I use the day to treat myself and buy myself something nice, something that will enrich my life instead of my thighs. This year, I am giving myself hell load of movies marathon...This is my frist year that I actually have someone in my life that is the greatest gift for this special V day. He might not be around here but I know atless I have someone to think of. Love comes in many kind of shapes and shades.... V day is not only to celberate with girlfriend or boy friends but loved ones.For those who are single in this sleepless city of Bangkok, put on a happy face! According to some study "happiness is a science that can be learned even by born pessimists." Yes, we can be single and happy. A new type of psychology is taking off and soon will be arriving to you at your door steps. Positive psychology is all about optimism and positive thoughts. There is research that backs this happy bandwagon up. "Optimists succeed better in most professions (except for lawyers who are better off as pessimists), optimists had better immune systems and lived longer." And positive singles make for better dates. Who wants to date someone who is cynical and negative!!Some university is going to offer a degree in positive psychology in the next few years. Are you smiling yet? Think positive thoughts...I will look amazing walking down Silom street ...I do have a six pack ( keep telling yoruself that either having it or containing it!!!) It is working, I feel happier! No need to go to the gym....where's that bacon! True happiness is hard to achieve. There are three states, according to positive psychologists. The pleasant life (the happiness after good sex), the engaged life (happiness that comes for what you do) and the meaningful life (this is the positive psychology).So if you are lacking some happiness and optimism, positive psychologists gives us some tips:Plan an ideal, fun day for your partner or family. If you are single, plan a fun day for YOU.Record every night three things that went well during the day and why they went well.Write a letter of thanks to someone who made a big difference in your life whom you never properly thanked.Increase your optimism by learning to recognize and dispute catastrophic thoughts.Use your strengths in a new way. Even any bad date can have positive outcomes!So get out there and smile! As my wise grandma (a very happy lady) used to say, your smile is your best accessory!

I AM CURVY and I LIKED IT!

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:58:18 +0800

A new survey suggests that men are as body-obsessed as women. Most of the respondents said they hated their stomachs and a quarter had issues with their entire bodies. I hate my stomach too!Gay men and especially gay men in Bangkok are no exception! Everyone here is body conscious. We are bombarded daily with pictures of smooth chests, pecs, massive arms, six packs and perfect stomachs and abs! Everyone looks like they could be on the cover of Men’s Health Magazine!Defined, toned and muscular are in…..chubby, stocky and bearish are out! Do I join the gym?…a question every gay man must ask himself. It seems we all have a warped sense of what our bodies actually look like. The drive to have the perfect body can have some serious unhealthy consequences. According to various surveys, around one in four Australian men in the healthy weight range believe themselves to be fat, while 17 per cent of men are on a weight loss diet at any given time.The drive to be big and muscular (nothing wrong with that) is also driving some men to use steroids. Body vanity is on the rise. Our grandparents or even fathers did not feel the pressure to have the perfect underwear model look. It's estimated that about 45 per cent of men are unhappy with their bodies to some degree, compared with only 15 per cent some 25 years ago.So if we are more vein, whom do we actually want to look like? It seems we all want to have the body of David Beckham or Brad Pitt, according to the survey. As I get older, I seem to be more comfortable with my body. I still want bigger arms and a flatter stomach or bigger pecs. But I am still refusing to join the gym (the gay church) . I maybe the only gay in the village not at the gym. Doctors say the focus should be less on the body and more on the overall health. Unless it is my gay doctor who focuses more on the body!I used to have a toned body from age of 22-26 years old. I could easily say that people were more appreciated then than now. I usually like to tone myself up just before the circuit party for my own comfort when it comes to take my shirt off. This year was different, I felt I aged and matured more than just wanted to concentrate my entire time just to impress people. I went to those parties and seen gym bunnies and all muscle Mary , looked like a bunch of Arnold wanna-be or walked out from Steriods Weekly magazine and I couldn’t help to think of how many hour a day they spend at the gym? Or was it because Gay has more possibility to have sex at the GYM ? For the first time in years I didn’t enjoy the crowds but the music and venue were amazing.After New Year I went to some an infamous gay club and was told at least 3 people that I didn’t look good and FAT. I never had a problem about the way I look before and considered myself as a self confident kind person but to hear those insulting words from the fowl mouths and the way they looked pity on me I couldn’t help but felt lost a lot of my self confident that night and later cried when I got home.I came to think was it because they said those words that I cried? Was it because I looked that bad? NO! the answer I had after a long considering and a talk to my boy friend was that I was a target of insulting and they judged me from exterior and the way I look. Of course we do judge by appearance that what GAYS do, but I am 29 years old and I am over it. I look after myself, keep myself happy, eat well and healthy that should be enough. I do not need people to tell me what I should look. I had a look, I was admired, I was appreciated ….those were in the past. Right now I am enjoying what I am doing or eating.I have jobs, friends, family, heath and a loving boy friend… that’s enough for me…I’ll say before judging me... go JUDGE yourself and ask what you have in life before decided to insult other people.They are more important thing in my life I want to concentrate with beside making an impressive pec or taking steroid… I AM CURVY and I LIKED IT… get OVER IT HONEY! And take a chill pill!

All GAYS get ready for 2009

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:24:44 +0800

This has been another year of extreme weather conditions, falling Politic, sex scandals, and brainless journalism of Britney and Paris happenings. I can hardly believe its December and almost time to celebrate the beginning of a new, exciting year of 2009. New Years Days fall on Wednesday, Thursdays and Friday which makes this years celebration longer since we will have to extend an extra party day .Assuming everyone can handle that many days.It seems the circuit party calendar has some major events lined up via G Circuit and Mighty Asia, two main parties organizers are hand in hand bringing their best Djs to rock the dance floor for 4 days in a row. There is a party scheduled in Centara Hotel and Moonstar Studido in Bangkok.These events will surely be the huge start off year 2009 for all GLBT community social elites.Be prepared for the hottest party night of the year which is also the last night of the year. It is a night to look forward to starting over with New Years resolutions. Here are the top things to consider when preparing to party on New Years Eve:1. Time - you must get out early to party so you do not miss the countdown.2. Parking - this will be the ultimate bitch.3. VIP Passes or Tickets in Advance - buy tickets a week or a few days in advance to avoid some of the huge lines (and save money).4.New Meat - remember all the people who never go out come on New Years so dress your best. Oh yeah.. bring condoms - no telling how drunk you’re going to get .5. Party Favors - make sure you plan this in advance. Everything seems to be marked up for New Years Weekend even party favors (hats and glow sticks of course).6. Alcohol - good luck - the lines to the bar will be crazy. I cannot advise drinking and driving on your way out but I do advise ordering a double so you don’t have to go back to the bar as many times.New Years is the start of a new day and everyone favorite night to be out. It is a night to love people and hug and kiss them once the clock strikes midnight while you are in the most joyous state. It might even be the night to meet the love of your life. http://www.gcircuit.com/www.mighty-asia.com

Getting all Christmasy

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:18:57 +0800

Getting all Christmasy with my top 10 all time fav X mas song :)Happy Holidays :) mwah .. I am sure Santa wont bring me any present this year as I have been pretty naughty :) xxxMerry Christmas .. and to all a good night!

Expiration Dating

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:56:33 +0800

For every relationship I have had, there were always have an expiration date on them. Expiration dating is when you enter a relationship that has a defined, predetermined end date. It's nothing personal to the guy I'm dating. I can usually tell how long a relationship will last. By the time the relationship has reached its expiration date, I'm out of there before it starts to spoil and curdle. It could be out of coincidence or sometimes it just happens that way. It has become a safety net for all my relationships that I've learned to be comfortable with. Although my reasons may not seem logical, it works for me. People have their reasons for expiration dating other than judging their own relationship before they start having it, like I do. Some couples they can't beat the inevitable. In the meantime, they enjoy their time together then move on with their separate lives. They were both very much in love and very career driven.They knew that this day would eventually come. You would think, "If they really loved each other then how come those crazy lovebirds couldn't work things out?" They discussed different options, alternatives, but nothing that they could conclusively agree on. So they agreed that breaking up was the right decision for both of them. It started to become a secret game I played with myself called "The Expiration Dating Game" where you guess the magic number on how long this relationship will last. Relationships are like fresh produce, you have to make good use of them before they go bad. By date two I can tell whether or not this relationship is doomed to hell or meant for great things. Would that make me toopresumptuous? So far I've been on the money each and every time. When I started dating my ex, I had a feeling where things were going to go. I didn't have an exact road map of our relationship but I had an idea where it would lead to. I knew this by our second date. We were having a good time. We were laughing, flirting, and exchanging witty banter. That's when I knew. That's when I knew that we would be something special. After that, I immediately stamped a 2-year expiration date on him. So we set ourselves an expiration date before we start rotting our lives away waiting for the relationship to magically change overnight. What if there's a possibility that they will never come? We would forever become slaves to our relationship. For some reason or another, many of us stay in relationships past their expiration date. I never stayed past my relationship's expiration date. I thought if I stayed longer than the expiration date then it would just spoil from there. I would imagine we would get green and moldy, and then make each other go crazy. Or what if the relationship was so passionate, so loving that it would eventually burst and fall apart? It's like blowing up a balloon. The balloon gets bigger and bigger. If you continue to blow, it will eventually expand; finally reach its peak then all of a sudden, POOF! The passion and intensity is gone. So you make sure you don't blow too hard before it pops. Or what if the relationship was going through a tough time? We may tell ourselves that things will change or even out. And although that may happen, sometimes it doesn't. So we set ourselves an expiration date before we start rotting our lives away waiting for the relationship to magically change overnight. How long could we wait for those changes to happen? What if there's a possibility that they will never come? We would forever become slaves to our relationship. At this point my expiration of my latest relationship will be ended in few days and this is probably the first time in my relationship life that I actually feel pain of losing. However life goes on , we had talked about it before even started it but I still wanted to feel and be in relatioship with him. I kept telling myself ' just enjoy the moment you have ' which what I did and now it's time! You might think that 's an unhealthy relationship I have but I am a person who like to have a chance to be loved rather than never been loved at all. . and if we were meant of each other, then we will meet again. I know I will be a mess and devastated , but that is life! When you fell , you hurt, you cried and then you picked up yourself and continue living. What doesnt kill us will toughen and make us stronger.This blog I would like to dedictae to him , who had make me happy and smile once again. You were the few good things that happened to me this year. Thank you for accepting who I am and never judged me of mistake I have made. Thank you for being in life and made me feel luckiest guy on earth. Que Serra Serra my love... you will always be the special someone for me for the rest of my life.

The One

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 10:37:46 +0800

My friend asked me if my boyfriend was the one. My friend M keeps looking for the one. Some people only date to find the one. Many of us do not believe in the one. Others spend their whole life looking for that one that will make them complete. Some people found the one and his name is Jesus!It is a romantic notion. One person out there who will make you complete..who will make you whole and who will make you happy. Some would say this is total co-dependant behaviour and it will only lead to sadness and frustration.How do you know if you have found the one? Or the one for now? There are 7 billion people on earth, surely there is more than one person out there who will make a great life companion, will laugh at your jokes and share your dreams. What if the one is in Tibet? Or in Ireland? I once thought the one was in Norway.Is life just one big race to find him? Or shall we stop looking and find the one in ourselves. I do not believe in soulmates. I do not need to be made into a whole. In a partner I seek love and compatibility. Relationships like everything in life have a life span…they end, begin again and the whole cycle repeats itself over and over again. Some are only temporary, some are for a few months or years and some are just for one night. But the long term relationship is with yourself, now that lasts a lifetime.

Have you said you love him ?

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 10:48:29 +0800

I need to repost this article ,esp for this up coming fatherday :)RUNNING TOWARDS INCLUSION... Dick and Rick Hoyt are a father-and-son team from Massachusetts who together compete just about continuously in marathon races. And if they’re not in a marathon they are in a triathlon — that daunting, almost superhuman, combination of 26.2 miles of running, 112 miles of bicycling, and 2.4 miles of swimming. Together they have climbed mountains, and once trekked 3,735 miles across America. It’s a remarkable record of exertion — all the more so when you consider that Rick can't walk or talk. For the past twenty five years or more Dick, who is 65, has pushed and pulled his son across the country and over hundreds of finish lines. When Dick runs, Rick is in a wheelchair that Dick is pushing. When Dick cycles, Rick is in the seat-pod from his wheelchair, attached to the front of the bike. When Dick swims, Rick is in a small but heavy, firmly stabilized boat being pulled by Dick. At Rick’s birth in 1962 the umbilical cord coiled around his neck and cut off oxygen to his brain. Dick and his wife, Judy, were told that there would be no hope for their child’s development. "It’s been a story of exclusion ever since he was born," Dick told me. "When he was eight months old the doctors told us we should just put him away — he’d be a vegetable all his life, that sort of thing. Well those doctors are not alive any more, but I would like them to be able to see Rick now. " The couple brought their son home determined to raise him as "normally" as possible. Within five years, Rick had two younger brothers, and the Hoyts were convinced Rick was just as intelligent as his siblings. Dick remembers the struggle to get the local school authorities to agree: "Because he couldn’t talk they thought he wouldn’t be able to understand, but that wasn’t true." The dedicated parents taught Rick the alphabet. "We always wanted Rick included in everything," Dick said. "That’s why we wanted to get him into public school." A group of Tufts University engineers came to the rescue, once they had seen some clear, empirical evidence of Rick’s comprehension skills. "They told him a joke," said Dick. "Rick just cracked up. They knew then that he could communicate!" The engineers went on to build — using $5,000 the family managed to raise in 1972 - an interactive computer that would allow Rick to write out his thoughts using the slight head-movements that he could manage. Rick came to call it "my communicator." A cursor would move across a screen filled with rows of letters, and when the cursor highlighted a letter that Rick wanted, he would click a switch with the side of his head. When the computer was originally brought home, Rick surprised his family with his first "spoken" words. They had expected perhaps "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad." But on the screen Rick wrote "Go Bruins." The Boston Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals that season, and his family realized he had been following the hockey games along with everyone else. "So we learned then that Rick loved sports," said Dick. In 1975, Rick was finally admitted into a public school. Two years later, he told his father he wanted to participate in a five-mile benefit run for a local lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, far from being a long-distance runner, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished next to last, but they felt they had achieved a triumph. That night, Dick remembers, "Rick told us he just didn’t feel handicapped when we were competing." Rick’s realization turned into a whole new set of horizons that opened up for him and his family, as "Team Hoyt" began to compete in more and more events. Rick reflected on the transformation process for me, using his now-familiar but ever-painstaking technique of picking out letters of the alphabet: " What I mean when I say I feel like I am not handicapped when competing is that I am just like the other athletes, and I think most of the athletes feel the same way. In the beginning nobody would come up to me. However, after a few races some athletes came around and they began to talk to me. During the early days one runner, Pete Wisnewski had a bet with me at every race on who would beat who. The loser had to hang the winner’s number in his bedroom until the next race. Now many athletes will come up to me before the race or triathlon to wish me luck." It is hard to imagine now the resistance which the Hoyts encountered early on, but attitudes did begin to change when they entered the Boston Marathon in 1981, and finished in the top quarter of the field. Dick recalls the earlier, less tolerant days with more sadness than anger: "Nobody wanted Rick in a road race. Everybody looked at us, nobody talked to us, nobody wanted to have anything to do with us. But you can’t really blame them - people often are not educated, and they’d never seen anyone like us. As time went on, though, they could see he was a person — he has a great sense of humor, for instance. That made a big difference." After 4 years of marathons, Team Hoyt attempted their first triathlon — and for this Dick had to learn to swim. "I sank like a stone at first" Dick recalled with a laugh "and I hadn’t been on a bike since I was six years old." With a newly-built bike (adapted to carry Rick in front) and a boat tied to Dick’s waist as he swam, the Hoyts came in second-to-last in the competition held on Father’s Day 1985. The Hoyts’ mutual inspiration for each other seems to embrace others too — many spectators and fellow-competitors have adopted Team Hoyt as a powerful example of determination. "It’s been funny," said Dick "Some people have turned out, some in good shape, some really out of shape, and they say ‘we want to thank you, because we’re here because of you’." Rick too has taken full note of their effect on fellow-competitors while racing: "Whenever we are passed (usually on the bike) the athlete will say "Go for it!" or "Rick, help your Dad!" When we pass people (usually on the run) they’ll say "Go Team Hoyt!" or "If not for you, we would not be out here doing this." Most of all, perhaps, the Hoyts can see an impact from their efforts in the area of the handicapped, and on public attitudes toward the physically and mentally challenged. Rick’s own accomplishments, quite apart from the duo’s continuing athletic success, have included his moving on from high school to Boston University, where he graduated in 1993 with a degree in special education. That was followed a few weeks later by another entry in the Boston Marathon. As he fondly pictured it: "On the day of the marathon from Hopkinton to Boston people all over the course were wishing me luck, and they had signs up which read `congratulations on your graduation!’" Rick now works at Boston College’s computer laboratory helping to develop a system codenamed "Eagle Eyes," through which mechanical aids (like for instance a powered wheelchair) could be controlled by a paralyzed person’s eye-movements, when linked-up to a computer. Together the Hoyts don’t only compete athletically; they also go on motivational speaking tours, spreading the Hoyt brand of inspiration to all kinds of audiences, sporting and non-sporting, across the country. Rick himself is confident that his visibility — and his father’s dedication — perform a forceful, valuable purpose in a world that is too often divisive and exclusionary. He typed a simple parting thought: "The message of Team Hoyt is that everybody should be included in everyday life."

LOST

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 13:11:26 +0800

I'm twenty nine. I have my job. I love my love. And I guess there is a part of me that realizes how so much of my life resembles many songs. I love playing with the kids and enjoy watching some cheesy DVD.I feel lost, though. I'm not entirely sure why. I talked to friends who are living the overseas experience and there is a part of me that feels jealous - not because I hate this city, but because everything for me will be different. I remember thinking that I would be living in New Zealand, even on a farm where I have a bf, friends, and take care of my parents in the same environment where I work, feeling as though I was living something radical. Who knows, maybe I'd even grow an organic garden and get those black-rimmed glasses and really seem green.It's not just that, though. I realize how superficial all of that is. It's more the sense of fragmentation that bothers me. I feel as if I am trying to fit in with a standardized society and culture that wars against my soul and that strikes me as banal; and the longer I try to work within the system, the more I feel as though I cannot be myself. I used to have everything under my feet and considered I was happy in my life. I have money, friends and family and even loving someone. In life we all face all the consequent of your own action and sometimes you had never realized it might have effect other people s’feeling. Recently, I have done something that caused someone dearest to my heart feeling differently towards me and for the reason of that I am sorry from bottom of my heart. People are different that why all of us are unique, we came from different places that why we share different thought. What we do or did was a product of experience and opportunity. Decision making doesn’t have a foundation. You sometimes do think without thinking and hopefully just (maybe) there is someone asks you why you do or even understand without delivering a word. I want to write. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to hang out with people over a cup of coffee and share life together. I want to spend time with my special someone, without having my mind wandering toward my career or future plans. I want to have more of the long, meandering conversations with my friends and lover, where we share the innermost part of each other. I want my life to connect, so that I don't feel as if my life runs on a spreadsheet.I realize that I get to write my blog, but it's in streaming ones and zeroes in a cyberspace so lonely that I rarely receive even one comment on a blog post - where I have to self-censor because I know it is too long for a digital mediumI want the freedom to be who I am or at least to be okay with the fact that I will never fit into the stereotype of anyone. You may wondering what am I writing and may sound doesn’t make any sense. Well my life at the moment doesn’t make any sense either. I am just ranting my heart out hopefully anyone of you would understand a silver lining that hidden between this blog. One Art by Elizabeth BishopThe art of losing isn't hard to master;so many things seem filled with the intentto be lost that their loss is no disaster.Lose something every day. Accept the flusterof lost door keys, the hour badly spent.The art of losing isn't hard to master.Then practice losing farther, losing faster:places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.None of these will bring disaster.I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, ornext-to-last, of three loved houses went.The art of losing isn't hard to master.I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gestureI love) I shan't have lied. It's evidentthe art of losing's not too hard to masterthough it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. i carry your heart with me By E E Cummings i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Smile Therapy & Everything in between

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:21:04 +0800

The one emotion that all of us seek. It seems everywhere I go, everything I see and everything I read seems to talk about our endless search for happiness. Scientists say emotions like fear, anger, desire and sadness work as a survival mechanism. Cavemen used to rely on these emotions to survive. Happiness on the other hand is useful but not necessary for survival, at least not for cavemen.It seems our brains are still wired as those from thousands of years ago. Except we are no longer hunting or fighting every day to survive. We have more wealth and more power, yet less happy. From therapy to anti-depressants and to the Dali Lama, everyone is trying to sell you happiness. Studies have indicated that money is not the answer. More developed and wealthier countries have less happy populations. The cost of being unhappy is in the billions. Should government step in and allocate money to making its people happier?According to research, there is no magic potion to be happy but our relationships with other human beings does play a part. Married people are happier overall than single people. People who experience love are happier than people who never find a partner to share their live with. People who have friends and who have regular opportunities for intimacy are happier.There is no direct correlation between money and happiness. Most respondents to the research said they would be happier if they had more friends than money. And happy people are healthier, live longer and spend less time in the hospital than unhappy people. So like global warming, there is an economic cost for unhappy people. The cost for my own happiness has been a high one. One therapist actually said by smiling a lot I would actually be happier. He called it smile therapy. Does it work? It may not make you happy but people definitely think you are happy.So I wondered if I was happy? In many was I am very happy…where it counts I guess…I have wonderful relationships, full of intimacy and love. I may not be happy in my job, but that is not important. However my life is full of experiences. This week my new reorganized job required me to go back my sales and marketing routine and meeting clients. The whole point of the week was for them to get an orientation into these new account and clients and for them to refer new customers. It was an orientation for them as much as for me. They kept asking questions and I kept making up answers. Normally, I have no issues coming out. But this time…these were clients and my decision to coming out could influence whether they send me new customers or not. I hate that whole fake sales/marketing routine. I realized then and there that I had been lucky in my past jobs, never having to lie about my sexuality or anything. I am now considering changing a career, so if any of you out there have any idea… I am open for the new opportunity and please let me know.

TEAM HOYT...MUST READ

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:55:54 +0800

THIS IS A MUST READ ARTICLE FOR EVERYONE.. please share to the one you loved I know it's long but it worths to read...RUNNING TOWARDS INCLUSION...Dick and Rick Hoyt are a father-and-son team from Massachusetts who together compete just about continuously in marathon races. And if they’re not in a marathon they are in a triathlon — that daunting, almost superhuman, combination of 26.2 miles of running, 112 miles of bicycling, and 2.4 miles of swimming. Together they have climbed mountains, and once trekked 3,735 miles across America. It’s a remarkable record of exertion — all the more so when you consider that Rick can't walk or talk. For the past twenty five years or more Dick, who is 65, has pushed and pulled his son across the country and over hundreds of finish lines. When Dick runs, Rick is in a wheelchair that Dick is pushing. When Dick cycles, Rick is in the seat-pod from his wheelchair, attached to the front of the bike. When Dick swims, Rick is in a small but heavy, firmly stabilized boat being pulled by Dick. At Rick’s birth in 1962 the umbilical cord coiled around his neck and cut off oxygen to his brain. Dick and his wife, Judy, were told that there would be no hope for their child’s development. "It’s been a story of exclusion ever since he was born," Dick told me. "When he was eight months old the doctors told us we should just put him away — he’d be a vegetable all his life, that sort of thing. Well those doctors are not alive any more, but I would like them to be able to see Rick now." The couple brought their son home determined to raise him as "normally" as possible. Within five years, Rick had two younger brothers, and the Hoyts were convinced Rick was just as intelligent as his siblings. Dick remembers the struggle to get the local school authorities to agree: "Because he couldn’t talk they thought he wouldn’t be able to understand, but that wasn’t true." The dedicated parents taught Rick the alphabet. "We always wanted Rick included in everything," Dick said. "That’s why we wanted to get him into public school." A group of Tufts University engineers came to the rescue, once they had seen some clear, empirical evidence of Rick’s comprehension skills. "They told him a joke," said Dick. "Rick just cracked up. They knew then that he could communicate!" The engineers went on to build — using $5,000 the family managed to raise in 1972 - an interactive computer that would allow Rick to write out his thoughts using the slight head-movements that he could manage. Rick came to call it "my communicator." A cursor would move across a screen filled with rows of letters, and when the cursor highlighted a letter that Rick wanted, he would click a switch with the side of his head. When the computer was originally brought home, Rick surprised his family with his first "spoken" words. They had expected perhaps "Hi, Mom" or "Hi, Dad." But on the screen Rick wrote "Go Bruins." The Boston Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals that season, and his family realized he had been following the hockey games along with everyone else. "So we learned then that Rick loved sports," said Dick. In 1975, Rick was finally admitted into a public school. Two years later, he told his father he wanted to participate in a five-mile benefit run for a local lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, far from being a long-distance runner, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished next to last, but they felt they had achieved a triumph. That night, Dick remembers, "Rick told us he just didn’t feel handicapped when we were competing." Rick’s realization turned into a whole new set of horizons that opened up for him and his family, as "Team Hoyt" began to compete in more and more events. Rick reflected on the transformation process for me, using his now-familiar but ever-painstaking technique of picking out letters of the alphabet: " What I mean when I say I feel like I am not handicapped when competing is that I am just like the other athletes, and I think most of the athletes feel the same way. In the beginning nobody would come up to me. However, after a few races some athletes came around and they began to talk to me. During the early days one runner, Pete Wisnewski had a bet with me at every race on who would beat who. The loser had to hang the winner’s number in his bedroom until the next race. Now many athletes will come up to me before the race or triathlon to wish me luck." It is hard to imagine now the resistance which the Hoyts encountered early on, but attitudes did begin to change when they entered the Boston Marathon in 1981, and finished in the top quarter of the field. Dick recalls the earlier, less tolerant days with more sadness than anger: "Nobody wanted Rick in a road race. Everybody looked at us, nobody talked to us, nobody wanted to have anything to do with us. But you can’t really blame them - people often are not educated, and they’d never seen anyone like us. As time went on, though, they could see he was a person — he has a great sense of humor, for instance. That made a big difference." After 4 years of marathons, Team Hoyt attempted their first triathlon — and for this Dick had to learn to swim. "I sank like a stone at first" Dick recalled with a laugh "and I hadn’t been on a bike since I was six years old." With a newly-built bike (adapted to carry Rick in front) and a boat tied to Dick’s waist as he swam, the Hoyts came in second-to-last in the competition held on Father’s Day 1985. The Hoyts’ mutual inspiration for each other seems to embrace others too — many spectators and fellow-competitors have adopted Team Hoyt as a powerful example of determination. "It’s been funny," said Dick "Some people have turned out, some in good shape, some really out of shape, and they say ‘we want to thank you, because we’re here because of you’." Rick too has taken full note of their effect on fellow-competitors while racing: "Whenever we are passed (usually on the bike) the athlete will say "Go for it!" or "Rick, help your Dad!" When we pass people (usually on the run) they’ll say "Go Team Hoyt!" or "If not for you, we would not be out here doing this." Most of all, perhaps, the Hoyts can see an impact from their efforts in the area of the handicapped, and on public attitudes toward the physically and mentally challenged. Rick’s own accomplishments, quite apart from the duo’s continuing athletic success, have included his moving on from high school to Boston University, where he graduated in 1993 with a degree in special education. That was followed a few weeks later by another entry in the Boston Marathon. As he fondly pictured it: "On the day of the marathon from Hopkinton to Boston people all over the course were wishing me luck, and they had signs up which read `congratulations on your graduation!’" Rick now works at Boston College’s computer laboratory helping to develop a system codenamed "Eagle Eyes," through which mechanical aids (like for instance a powered wheelchair) could be controlled by a paralyzed person’s eye-movements, when linked-up to a computer. Together the Hoyts don’t only compete athletically; they also go on motivational speaking tours, spreading the Hoyt brand of inspiration to all kinds of audiences, sporting and non-sporting, across the country. Rick himself is confident that his visibility — and his father’s dedication — perform a forceful, valuable purpose in a world that is too often divisive and exclusionary. He typed a simple parting thought: "The message of Team Hoyt is that everybody should be included in everyday life."

Dive into New Found Water

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 11:57:31 +0800

On Saturday night we all were dressed up crazily to celebrate my beloved friend 30th something birthday. I invited my new found lover for dinner and party. The night was crazy was predicted, I came up with the theme party ‘Cheap& Fake’ for this wonderful friend. The night kicked off at our favorite bar on Silom and of course ended up aftermath somewhere over the rainbow. I had an eventful weekend, but a good weekend. I feel very happy at the moment. I have met a truly wonderful guy who I am in the process of getting to know better. I am not thinking about the past or the future..but instead living in the present..day by day. I have stopped asking questions, raising barriers and thinking about it. I am just letting things be, living for today and enjoying it.I am not worried about where it is going, if it is going to last or whether it is for real. My friend says when you love everything becomes quiet. I used to tease him about it. I think he is right. It is quiet. There are no more questions, excuses, insecurities or doubts. Just silence and joy..and happiness.It is nice to write about good and happy things. I may not be the Single Gay Guy for long. The journey has taken a new direction…with maybe a new traveller. It seems I am not the only one in uncharted waters. A few of my friends are all sailing on romantic seas. Some of them are at port waiting to sail out. Some of them are trying to find the right boat. And me..I am just sitting back and enjoying the wind!Anyway, back to the relationship that I am now having. Let says when it comes to getting into the water, sometimes you just have to jump in…A few weeks ago I saw something on TV that argued that you could make your own reality. If you build it, it will exist. Why are we sometimes so scared to make our own reality? Sometimes we do not allow things to happen. Sometimes we are afraid to get wet, afraid to make it happen. But when it does happen, you feel that everything and anything is possible.At least I am now making it happen. I already know that this one won’t last for long as he will leave at the end of the year. I am aware of the fact that I will truly be hurt once the day it comes. We discussed about this before starting our relationship. We both know what we are doing and just too afraid in jump in this cold water, I decided to dive in…. Are you crazy? People may ask….“You are gonna get hurt” they said … but why am I so certain of doing it? To answer myself because when we are together we feel so happy and we are making the best of each moment!! And those love and happiness make you conquer all the fears. The question is, why do we buy it?Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love..That experience makes us feel completely alive.Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens.lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn't diminish its value.We're left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives.''When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.''Why do people want to fall in love when it can have such a short run and be so painful..??Propagation of the species? We need to connect with somebody. Are we culturally preconditioned? They are good, but too intellectual for me.I think it's because, as some of you may already know ...While it does last, it feels F***ing GREAT

Scent of S(Male)

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:49:15 +0800

The sense of smell can be very important in relationship and sex. We all know that bad body odor can be a total a turn off (unless you are into fetish). A nice smelling guy can seem more attractive. For years, stores have been using chemicals to make us shop more. We are indifferent to animal where they use the scent of smell to hunt the predator and indicate their intimacy. We spend million of baht on aftershaves, perfumes and colognes. Many shops are filled with products that will hide human smells make our breath smell like mints and our hair like summer fruits. Everyone has his or her own scent. I wonder if attraction a matter of chemistry? And do gay men respond to scents differently?Pheromones are the chemicals we all give out which are responsible for sexual arousal. Animals, insects and humans all have different scents. They say animals can smell fear. Some use the scent to protect themselves. Humans give a scent for opposite attraction that lead to sex.Scientists believe that the attraction between animals including humans may be all about pheromones. The perfume industry has used pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.Can you really attract guys with your scent? Maybe the scent that you get when you mix the sweaty smell at California Wow’s Gym, add the smell of DJ station with a drop of scent from Babylon? I read an article about a product called Man-2-Man claims to have 15 years of research development. The website claims that the product “dramatically increases the attractiveness, sexual pleasure and self confidence in gay men." But do not fear…it will not attract women! If you want to attract women, you must use woman-2-woman, a lesbian hormone. “Having a great abs and butt are good, but having great sex appeal that leaves your new partner not actually knowing why they are sexually attracted to you is even better,” claims the scientist behind Man-2-Man. The gay scent market is growing, as gay men will do anything to find Mr Right…even paying up to $39USD for a bottle of Man-2-Man.If we can attract guys to our scent, it seems smell is at the heart of our gayness. Gay men respond differently from straight men when exposed to a suspected sexual stimulus found in male sweat. When gay guys smelled the odor of male sweat, more specifically a chemical in the male hormone their brains responded similarly to those of women. That explains why we all get giddy and sexually arouse at the gym…the smell of hot sweaty smell turns our brains on…. The study also suggests that what happens on the brain may be related to our sexual orientation.There you have it. Smell can attract and as gay men we are attracted to sweaty men….Here are some of my favorite perfumes that I put in order of my likeness...No.1 No.2 No.3 No.4 No.5 No.6

Little Black Book

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:54:40 +0800

Have you ever been tempted to look into his.....Yesterday I spent a quality time with my DVD, Pop corn and my boo and we were watching one of my all time favorite movies that I found it was quit useful to given direction in real life relationship. This movie is called ‘Little Black Book’....Little Black Book refers to an electronice device such as palm, Personal Digital Assistants (PDAs) or smartphones. We tend to keep everything inside this small digital device , emergency numbers, boyrfriend no. , girl friend no., and more importantly your ex file history….My first time say Brittany Murphy was when she starred as the sidekick, Ty in Clueless, I couldn't get enough of her. Now that she's the star of her own movies, I wish she would go away. Since she's become the new Marilyn Monroe Like (all the goofiness, little of the sex appeal, none of the glamour), she's managed to string together a career of ill-advised movies that capitalize mainly on her abilities to roll her eyes around in her head like marbles and giggle like a mental patient in Girls Interrupted. “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.?” An infamous Shakespeare quote.Brittany Murphy plays Stacy in Little Black Book, the product of a broken home, whose mother made her into a Diane Sawyer and Carly Simon. Thanks to her mother's advice, she ruins her good relationship with men because she can't be certain about them. That inability to believe puts her in position to second-guess her current relationship with hockey scout Derek. Conveniently, her new job, as an associate producer on a talk show hosted by Kippie Kann (Kathy Bates doing a pretty good Ricky Lake impersonation,) has her researching "little black books," or the modern equivalent, the Palm Handheld.Derek left his home while on a business trip. Stacey’s picture perfect existence starts to go downhill when she discovers that Derek once dated a supermodel and also she found three ex-girlfriends he's maintained contact with. Spurred by her fellow producers Barb (Holly Hunter) and Ira she investigates to find out more about the exes, the supermodel, doctor, and the Chef.What starts out as innocent curiosity in Derek's past girlfriends soon spirals into a disgusting web of lies and betrayal. Snooping, lying and generally being mean can be funny, and there are dozens of very successful black comedies out there that make deception and underhanded antics hilarious.If you think you know where this is going, you're in for a surprise. The movie takes quite an unexpected turn, a dark one that makes it seem as though the movie is actually going to turn out to be pretty good. But as soon as the twist happens, it's undone. During its chick flick moments, this film wants to deliver an uplifting message, much like the brilliant Working Girl, which Little Black Black pays homage to a few times, most obviously when Stacey brings a vintage Working Girl poster to the office.I'm somewhat certain that, Little Black Book was a pretty good movie. My favorite of this movie was that in each lines and sentence that characters were delivering throughout this black comedy are somewhat true and realistic… Screenwriters Melissa Carter and Elisa Bell spice up workplace nuggets with philosophical clichés like "omissions are betrayals”. She uses slapstick comedy as a distraction from the confused script's obvious inadequacies and stale, dated view of daytime television. What may have been an intriguing premise simply flounders, emerging as an innocuous sit-com. Here are some of my favorite quotes and hope that you can relate the idea of what I am trying to say here ….. - Question how does a girl who falls, no actually jumps eyes wide open, down a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos come out unchanged? - Answer, she doesn't. - Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that u just cant know it all - John Lennon said Life happens when you're busy making other plans - Life's funny like that, once we let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong . - Omission is betrayal. - If we were the share our lives together, why didn't we share our lives together. I know you don't have to tell me everything Derek, but why wouldn't you want too? Unless there is someone else you are waiting for. - A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts, for ever. - Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. - There are moments in life when you hope your decisions weren't rash. And moments where you just know. -I've spent a life time looking for the truth and I have become the lie. Maybe some secrets should just stay secret. And lastly my favorite line when Stacy madly says this to Holly Hunter after been stabbing her back … - I should tear your eyes out right now, but how would you ever be able to look at yourself in the morning?

Lacoste 75th Anniversary

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:22:41 +0800

What are some of LACOSTE’s major accomplishments in 75 years? Laste Friday I was invited to one of the most exclusive party that set in Bangkok Art and Cultural Centre , Patumwan. I have never been to this place sicne it was completed formed and this time I took a glance look at this so -called Art and Exibition Gallery and was amazed of how up dated and modern they did with this place. Another amazing moment occured when I first saw that there were couple of events were held at this unsual place ad non of them has anything to do with art and culture. But anyway they were good parties.....The LACOSTE brand came to life in 1933 with a few white polo shirts for playing tennis, evolved in a complete line of sport and sportswear apparel, and is today a global lifestyle brand with clothing, leather goods, footwear, watches, glasses, fragrances and home textiles. To our knowledge, LACOSTE was the first to affix a logo on the outside of a clothing item. This famous crocodile polo shirt really revolutionized the way tennis players dressed on the courts and took the place of the long-sleeved, starched, uncomfortable shirts used before. Fashion usually having a sense of history. I think it is important to experience what it is like to dress in styles that have laid the foundations for brands that have lasted decades. Why is it important? It’s a stability thing. It takes a lot of energy and a hit on your wallet to keep up with new fashion. You get older older and the realization that you’re now a grown-ass man is just another reminder why you need that kind of stability. I’m not saying that new styles should not be embraced with open arms or experimented with. I’m saying one day you gotta look in the mirror and be confident enough to know what you’re wearing, confident enough to not worry about what’s new in fashion. A young man will eventually have to learn this kind of stability. If he doesn’t learn it earlier and still tries to fashion styles that are unbefitting of the man’s age, it will show. If a young man catches on early, then he has enough time to fine-tune his style to sartorial perfection. That is the point when fashion truly inspires, no matter what age you are. Hosted that evening and DJing by The Lady Bunny herself . She is and American drag quuen originally from Tennessee, who has lived in enw Yorok City since the 80th. She was a foudner oand emcee of the annual Wigstock event and is well known as nightclub DJ, promoter and celebrity. She has appeared in many movies such as Wigstock, Peoria Babylon and To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar.She began her career alongside with Ru paul as a fixture on the Atlanta, Georgia gay scene. She appeared in a variety of low budget films with them. Her style of drag performance usually involves lipsynching to a compilation of karaoke versions of popular songs over which she has recorded her own vocals singing parodies of the original lyrics. The new lyrics are usually sexually explicit, or revolve around food, or both. Lady Bunny made special guest appearances in 2006 at Southern Decadence in New Orleans. After the party we have privileged to take Bunny out in town where all the gay guys are and to be honest it was a hoot! It was a perfect evening to celebrate the Lacoste 75th anniversary with Visioniar Magazine. What does this have to do with Lacoste? I think this has always been the aim of their brand, just like any of the well-established fashion houses, to establish a style that lasts for an eternity. Of course, style is best observed in the context of the time period. But even when Lacoste has been faced with adapting to the fashion styles of the day, it has tried its best not to stray from the original designs that had popularized it. Happy 75th Anniversary .....

Break-ups...must READ

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:22:21 +0800

Relationships end every day. Sometimes a break-up is some what a mutual decision. Sometimes a person just stops calling or coming around for no reason, and with no explanation. Sometimes you get a "Dear John" letter breaking news about the break-up. Sometimes you come home to find the locks have been changed and all your belongings are in a pile at your front porch. These past few days facebook filled with those people who got dumped and spent hours finding their ways out. I do not call myself an expert in break ups but I have learnt from them not less than hundreds. How am I coping with it and be able to stand tall and walking fiercely? Here are some of my advices…Reactions to a relationship break-up can range from being glad that it’s finally over to intense pain and regret. The person who has initiated the break-up has usually thought about it and made a decision to leave, and usually has less emotional pain. The person who learns the other no longer wants to be with usually feels most of the pain and regret. Wandering around asking the ultimate question like; what have I done wrong? Wasn’t I good enough? , or the unspoken ….Who is that person you chose?If you are the one being left you may want to do everything you can to get back with your ex. But/or should you?Most of the answer to that question with an "Of course! I can't live without him." Feelings of loss and sorrow, even anger, may be running high at this point, so it is difficult to stop and do a careful appraisal of the real situation. But that is exactly what is needed most before making knee-jerk efforts to get back together with your ex.It is perfectly understandable to be emotionally down after a relationship break up. You’re moving into a new chapter of life. You are moving forward in life without that person that you deeply cared for. It’s ok that if you are sad after a break up, it only means that you found something wonderful in another person and you really miss it. There is nothing wrong with that.Here are some questions to ask yourself before attempting to get back with your ex-lover after the break-up.- Do I genuinely love and respect my ex? - Does that person love and respect me? - Was there something worth saving in our relationship?Spend some time thinking about what your relationship was really like before answering. If you answer yes to all three questions, it may be worth the time and effort to reconcile with your ex. Reconcile should not happen because you want to not because you have to and it’s the right thing to do.Then answer these questions:- Am I afraid I can't find anyone? - Am I trying to get back with my ex because of your pride towards rejections? - Am I so afraid of being alone I will put up with intolerable circumstances to be back with my ex?Answering yes to any of these questions may mean you should think twice about making efforts to reconcile with your ex. Salvaging a broken relationship require honesty and commitment. You must give up fear and pride to succeed.As you start to develop some emotional distance, spend some time thoughtfully considering your failed relationship. What were your shortcomings? What were your failures? What could you have done better? Did you make some compromises that, in hindsight, were ill-advised? What have you learned from the relationship? What are you going to do in the future to give your next relationship a better chance for success? You made a big personal and emotional investment in a relationship that ultimately failed. I think it is really important to learn something from your experience.Coming to the realization that a relationship is really over and that efforts to save it are not in your best interest will not make the pain any less. But you will be better able to move on and find a new love or take some time off from being in a relationship for awhile. Both are good outcomes--getting your ex back is not the only road to happiness.Even if you decide your relationship is worth fighting for there is no guarantee that you will get back together with your ex. Asking yourself tough questions like the ones above is a great place to start.Does this relationship with this person make you happier than being single?? This is a question you most should ask yourself and please… be honest!! Today theme song is " How could an angel break my heart " by Toni Braxton

Video Clip Scandal

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:54:59 +0800

Living in the world where technology leads us where unexpected. Mobile phone had become one of our necessities. We not only use our phone nowadays for conversation purposes. In each and every one of them contains a high resolution Video Camera. The technology is like a two faced coin, it has both advantages and disadvatages. If you used it right it could make your life more convenient but also if you misused it-- it could cause a major rock and effect to someone lives forever. The scandal seems to have become a way of life. They are the essential spice added to the world of pornography paving way for more serious crimes and destroying innocent lives.Even before the evolution of Video clip scandals, people all over the country were awed by pornography, but the VDO clip popularity is decreasing and unprecedented. Who suffers in the end? A person who were in the film, of course! It is she who is condemned, mocked and career devastated. This is because of the lack of awareness and our rights in modern Thailand.Many of us use the Video Camera to record fun and to capture the good memories and many of them use it for sexuality fantasy. Over the past few weeks, the video clips have made their way to the throughout Thailand society and went into cyber world as if travel as fast as lighting. It caused a massive scandal that resulted young girls weeping at a press conference and the numbers of hour’s people sit in their own time looking for these clips.A big stir happened back in earlier this year when sex videos from an infamous HK Chinese Superstar Edison Chen leaked over the Internet. The VDO was filmed by himself while having sexual intercourse with SEVERAL actresses. This is nothing new to me when I am gay and live and go to Silom religiously. I often got offered “DVD VCD!” by those DVD stalls; you name it I HAVE SEEN and HEARD IT ALL. Not only clip from famous celebrity that could rock the word today. There are many of them that were just filmed by amateurs and compiled them and sell it for profit and business. Those clips are often filmed secretly - whether in a bathroom, locker room or in a car and sometimes when you take your mobile phone or computer for maintainance and repair…Today is another case of famous Thai actor, Aon, Saravuth Marthong. His Video Clip having sex of unidentified woman appeared all over the internet. The scandal went fast and graphic. He held the press conference in the following afternoon apologizing with tears down his face and accepted that it was him and admitted of what he did. The clip was first been selling down south of Thailand before it became one of the most download over the cyber world. I couldn’t help but wonder that does this mean that all video clip scandals are circulated for fun or are they even sold to those seeking profit at the cost of others? And if they have become a regular thing to be sold, what are the implications on those who are involved in this business?But what about the innocent ones who get caught unaware? Like a Teenage Singers Four and Mod?? They are victimized and ravaged for a no reason. For some, it is worse than rape. If rape can lead to destroying a woman’s life, so can a clip made for having some fun. People who have daughters, nieces and sisters of their own! This might be a potential area giving rise to pedophiles and resulting in the increasing rate of child sexual abuse. People have impressionable minds and they want to practice what they see. At the cost of innocent lives, majority of males are enjoying these clips and waiting for the arrival of new ones everyday. We lack in spreading awareness and sensitivity among the people. One cannot make a law to prevent a crime. What we need today is a humanity and respect for the others. I am not here to judge!Today theme song is " Scandalous" by Misteeq

Is timing everything?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:33:10 +0800

They say that timing is everything. For single boys, girls and especially with gay guys timing really is everything. Timing can tell us where does this relationship is going and whether there will be another date. There is the timing about when to first have sex. If you do it too soon; it may turn out into just a F**k buddy. You do wait too long and it may just turn into friendship. There are time rules. Should you call back three days after the first date? There are number of times you can see him or her in one week before you turn into a stalker.Once in my sordid life I had a perfect first date. His name was Sam. He was 22 (back then), from New Zealand, worked for the NZ Immigration. We decided to have a real date, dining out, candle lights and joy ride after meal. This was actually his choice. It was good timing in everything perfect; we were single and ready for relationship. I remembered we were riding around Auckland city under the star and parked our car at the Museum parking lot and talked about our lives and made out for hours. As if it was a scene from those Chick Flick that you have been watching when you were young. You could talk yet there was enough time to be quiet. We then had Chinese and continued a great chat. I learned a lot about him but I probably talked way too much. I tend to talk too much when I am nervous. I sometimes talk and do not know where to end the conversation. We ended the perfect first date with “see you soon.” After the date, the next day I met my gang to talk about my date and analyze the possibilities and what should I do next.I really wanted to txt him right away and tell him what a wonderful night I had and how great he was and how much I liked him and how I wanted to see him again. But I was told by my friends that would have been bad timing. There was the three day rule. I would have to wait till at least Wednesday to contact him. I could not seem to “needy” or it might scare him away. I went home but I couldn’t get this Sam out of my head. So I messaged him. I said I had a great time and hoped to see him soon.It had been two day and he had not responded. Did I break the three day timing rule? Did he think I could be one of those stalkers? Did the “see you soon” send off really meant that we should left fate intervene? Should I just move on and get over it? Or maybe I should just wait a few more days?Should I do it on the first date and take him for a test drive. Or should I wait until there is something to ensure that my a emotional and his are connected. There are arguments for both views like Barrack and Sarah Palin debate. People sometimes draw the rules. They always wait until at least the third date at to shag a potential date. You cannot make someone take a 50 minute ride and not give them a little appreciation.. My friend on the other hand reckons you need to know what is your sexually compatible right from the start. He reckons that if the sex is not good, the relationship won’t be good either. I agreed with the theory that you should have sex when it feels right. Sometimes that feeling comes more quickly depending on the number of drinks. But I believe that we all have our inner sexual timers...and it is ticking!Today theme song is " Only Time " by Enya

Gay Reuter

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:26:32 +0800

A friend of mine rang in the afternoon while I was working hard or actually hardly working. He mentioned that there was an incident at Silom soi 4 and wanted me to rush there and report as he thought I was a Gay Reuter or Anderson Cooper in better and younger version.Well hell yeah, I ran from work which was just and minute away and not forgetting to take my camera with me and here is what happened….At about 4 PM today on Silom Soi 4 the former Roxy Club, Icon for some and Rome club for the nostagics, has collapse. The 4 stories, front part, went down on the street. No casualties, thank God and Lord buddha.Police were called to a construction site of a building at Silom 4 off the Silom Road in Bangrak, following reports of a partial collapse of the construction. Rescue Unit rushed to the scene , but was so lucky no gay or any sign of human being trapped within the wreckage. Further investigations are now taking place and for now Police have ordered the construction site to be closed until a full safety review is undertaken.Buildings, like all structures, are designed to support certain loads without deforming excessively. The loads are the weights of people and objects.With buildings of a few floors, strength generally accompanies sufficent rigidity. The support of the weight of the building itself is the main consideration. Like long bridges, tall buildings are subject to catastrophic collapse.The causes of building collapse can be classified under general headings to facilitate analysis. These headings are: Bad Design Faulty Construction Foundation Failure Extraordinary Loads Unexpected Failure Modes Combination of Causes Bad design does not mean only errors of computation, but a failure to take into account the loads the structure will be called upon to carry, erroneous theories, reliance on inaccurate data, ignorance of the effects of repeated or impulsive stresses, and improper choice of materials or misunderstanding of their properties. Even an excellently designed and constructed structure will not stand on a bad foundation. Although the structure will carry its loads, the earth beneath it may not. The displacements due to bad foundations may alter the stress distribution significantly. It is clear that buildings built in this manner have a catastrophic mode of failure ("house of cards") that should rule out their future construction. It is triggered when there is a partial collapse at any level that breaks the continuity of the tube, which then rolls up quickly, from top to bottom. The collapse has a means of propagation that soon involves the whole structure, bypassing its major strengths and impossible to interrupt. Luckily it was in the afternoon otherwise it would have been a lot worse had it happen in the evening. The electric supply has been cut off on that side of the Soi from Balcony to Noriega.The sustaining wall between Roxy and Balcony has been severely damaged. Both venues are out of bound until the structural engineers have evaluated the security factors. Former Roxy was undergoing renovations at the time.

Mad TV

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:47:32 +0800

Thank God for created youtube.com so I am being able to catch my favorite show that cannot be run over the Thai Broadcasting TV. I am a big fan of the late night comedy Mad TV for years. Of course, I watched Mad TV a lot and some of it’s skits I’ve found funny and brighten my day just to watch it. While I found the Emo Elmo and their many claymation skits to be quite entertaining, I also find Whitney Houston (Debra Wilson )and other song parodies are quite entertaining and cheered me up after a long hard day.I actually enjoy MadTV so much more than Saturday Night Live. I think that after all the good actors left in the very early 90’s, SNL kind of lost their magic and went down the hill. Of course this is about the time MadTV came on and I absolutely loved and thought it was a hilarious show. Of course after the actors Debra Wilson left, then I think the quality of the show started going down hill as well.I for one, always thought the make-up jobs and the production for MadTV were extremely good… and the choice of actor to play THAT person was a GREAT and they were quite talented and good as well.Here are my top 5 favorite skits and hope that you guys have a laugh watching it because a little smile and laughter will keep you younger as the days gone by … ENJOY

Gay Republican and politically incorrect campaign

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:43:54 +0800

Yes I am back! No I have not been helping the PAD rally or medicating myself after all the Banks around the world go bust. It has been a week for me being occupied with myself and staying low key and TV reality guilty pleasure. I am a person who enjoy watching DVD at home in my comfort zone. I could spend day and night continuing to watch my favorite show and order in. When I am at home in my own time I considered it is my quality time to do what I don’t usually be able to do while outside working. I remembered when I was having only Sunday off whilst working in Phuket and Pattaya, I would just locked myself in the room and lay on my bed and being lazy and not even a word had been spoken off my mouth. I was working where people would go and relax and enjoy their holidays, but after been working years in those places it wore me down. I am such a poor sod, I was in beach cities but I had only been to the beach twice. Anyway, I am not here to complain about my sordid little life. I am here to talk politic! No I am not talking about Thaksin brother in law or Samak cooking show. Thai politic bores me to my core. I am here talking about USA politically incorrect campaign toward GLBT ( Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender ). Dun be surprised, I know some stuff! One of the biggest misconceptions about the Clintons is that they are pro-gay, when BC signed two of the biggest stupid pieces of legislation --gay/lesbians in recent years: Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the Defense of Marriage Acts. We are still battling the effects of both many years later with the right wing emboldened by the latter passage to try the even crazier Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment. Those objecting may say that Bill Clinton did sign an anti-discrimination act for Federal Employees. Good, but as with all strives by gays and lesbians, thousands of activists and boots on the ground gets the results. The rejection, by a conservative Supreme Court in a virulently anti-gay administration, of the anti-sodomy laws is proof of that. Last night I watched a DVD called ' GAY REPUBLICAN ', yes there is a such a thing! This is one of those shows that had me yelling at the TV. I can completely understand standing behind some of the stated Republican values of smaller government (though they're missing the mark), conservative fiscal values (though they're missing the mark), fiscal responsibility (though they're REALLY missing the mark), and national security (oh my god! are they missing the mark). Mind you I'm not saying these are unique to the Republican Party - this is just their shtick. So, while I might not agree with their policy on these positions, I can at least understand the goal and how gay men and lesbians would support it. However, what AMAZES me is how some openly gay and lesbian people can be a part of a party that goes beyond not accepting them to actively attacking them and using gay issues as a blatant political tool to to win a campaign at the expense of basic civil rights..It just escapes me! I just heard a gay man actually say 'The amendment states that marriage is between a man and a woman - it doesn't say anything about excluding me. That is actually PRECISELY what it says. It states that the rights and privileges that government provides to heterosexual couples isn't available to him (and me) Mind you I'm not talking about religious marriage. I'm talking about civil marriage and the rights the government ties to that construct. Oh my Lord… There are actually people that agree with, not only writing discrimination into the constitution, but writing in discrimination against them selves… I just want to scream. Do people REALLY hate themselves that much?? WOW… Makes you wonder if there were women who didn't think they should be allowed to vote… Anyway… Just venting! I could not help my friend making joke like they would love me to become a PM for Thailand and definitely will help me with teh campaign. I always thought with my two cents that the country would run better with good looking people in parliament or gay PM ( out and openly one ). Well if I were a nominee to the election, here are some thoughts of my policy to convince you. If I were a Prime Minister... - I would make sure you guy out there have liquor store 24-7 in every corner to help with the market flowing in food and beverarge division. Let's face it how much we spend each year in term of profit making in this field. - Start working at 8.30 pm because you might still be drunk of the night before or suffering from hang over. Also it's when the stock market in USA opens. - Club and Bar with unlimited opening hours, because tourist would enjoy spending more money once they are drunk and let face it , more business hour more money.. in 90's Thailand was one of the top party destinations in Asia and that time we were happy with the money we got from tourists...... LOL that was just a little bit of my idea.. VOTE ME!! (BTW - the show also did a good job of showing the other half of the log cabins that were forced to split with their party over this very issue… I was impressed by their take on the whole thing).

Pretty Odd Damn Gay

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:12:22 +0800

I was meant to write this blog a long time ago. I kept postponing it because I wasn’t sure that many people would have understood or know about this band. Today like every other day that I have been listening and repeatedly watch the music video and then I decided to write something about the band… so here I go.Panic at the Disco is one of the youngest groups on the scene that emerged from Las Vegas and several band members even had to study and finish up classes online. Ryan Ross (guitar) and Spencer Smith (drums) spent time as the cover member before recruiting Brendon Urie (guitar/vocals) and Brent Wilson (bass) to complete the group according to the source.The band is not completely show the gay lifestyle but somehow you can just read between the silver lining that hidden inside the song ad music video that pretty odd damn gay. It’s different from the rest of the gay music, we do not usually listen to punk rock but I am surely that we have fancied to get in bed with one of them (at least it’s my fantasy) .Had to admit that there is not many gay in this generation that know about this band. They are in the running for a number of awards. My favorite song and music video is “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” which beautifully written and meaningful that make you think.“I Write Sins Not Tragedies” sounds like an intriguing song and unique music, however this band have a tendency to try to sound deep without saying much at all. Admittedly, the song is young and edgy and amusing to listen to.The song and lyric tied together tale of a wedding gone wrong, perhaps a throw back to the group’s Vegas hometown where getting a marriage certificate is as easy as hitting a drive-through on your way to a show.The music video for “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” kicks off with an overheard conversation that concludes with the loaded word “whore” with a close up of a seat in a wedding church. The scenario is that of a groom pacing the church waiting for the wedding to start. A clergyman holds a Bible and faces a bride and groom. The couple exchange vows of love while a young member of the congregation whispers to a friend that the bride is unfaithful. The door opens, letting in the top hat-wearing lead singer ( Brendon ) and a number of actors with painted faces. “Haven’t you ever heard of closing the door?” The wedding guests and visitors break into dance while the bride and groom argue. The bride storms out. The lead singer takes the groom through the door, to reveal her embracing one of the painted men. And of course, caught red-lipped!This is all surrounded by rock with a theatrical edge. Most of the group members are still teenagers themselves. It is no wonder they so easily grasp musical elements that appeal to their youngstaers. Emotional drama, concern about privacy, and rumor add up to a potent mix that has propelled into the top chart.Panic! At the Disco owes a lot to punk rock style, but there is also an underlying spirit of the Broadway musical and carnival theme that makes their approach unique. It would be easy to dismiss this all as a cheap, easy grab for teen dollars, but, then, the effortless ease with which "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" worms its way into your brain should count for something more.Whether or not it’s the intended message, one idea that jumps out is that of falsehood or being fake. The bride is reciting vows to her future husband, but she is unfaithful. The groom is rightfully upset and wants to shout, but suppresses the urge for the sake of nice manners. The video reinforces this idea by having everyone at the wedding wearing thick, clown-like make-up so that their faces and real expressions are hidden.PATD are unique amongst the other band and the way they represent the tune is unbelievable amazing. They incorporate so many influences into their music, the lyrics are genius, and the songs are so very catchy but aren’t too similar, which is what I love about them.So perhaps their rise to fame wasn’t as strenuous as perhaps other bands, but they have still worked very hard for a bunch of teenagers just out of high school! Little do many people know, but Brendon and Ryan were kicked out of their homes and had to struggle to pay the rent for a while, theire roads to success didnt have rose pedals along the way. They were struggling before being signed off with the record deal.We’ve all been guilty of being fake at one point or another because we want people to perceive us differently than we really are. We try to cover our past and present with a mask and represent what we think people would like to see. How many time you ever ask yourself in one day that " Would people really like to see who you really are ? ", how many time that you would like to wash off those masks and down you guard and being accept by whoever you are. You’ve probably figured out by this point that no one is perfect, but we often still try to come across that way. God wants us to be honest about our weakness so we can pray for one another and keep each other accountable. Spend some time to look around and exam your heart and your relationships to see if there’s an area in which you need to come clean.

Why Queer as Folk

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:15:33 +0800

Why does my title is called Queer as Folk... you maybe wondered.I am here writing to explain to all of you the reason I used this phase of title and what does it mean.Folk? Like people from the Midwest? The name sets up a relationship between these "everyman" figured "folk" and queerness- setting up an inclusional relationship. The name implies that these "folk," whosoever they be, are the epitome of queer.The closest we can come to understanding the term in this context is to look at the characters in the show, those who are queer as folk. Queer As Folk is a TV series that follows the lives of five gay men (Brian, Michael, Justin, Emit, Ted), one lesbian couple (Lindsay and Melanie), and Michael's mother, Debbie. But as the show progressed, there were also other main characters that were added. The show was noted for its frank portrayal of gay life and vivid sex scenes. I really love Queer As Folk. It's not because of the gorgeous looking men but it's on how they portray reality, that they too are just like the straight ones and that they deserve to be treated like anybody else. On the said show, there were numerous instances that they were fighting for their rights to be heard, that they should be treated fairly when it has to come with the terms of law. The series really dwelled on the personal lives of each character, showing their different vibrant personalities, especially when they have to deal with friendship, love, sex, and family. There were a lot of times that I became teary of the situations that each character portrayed, and also laughed-out-loud on their hilarious lines. If you guys are curious on this TV series, I recommend that you check it out. Though I'm quite sure you can get a copy of the show by the Silom DVD strolls. By the way, this TV series is not suitable for ages 18 and below. Strongly mature content. In the pilot episode of "Queer as Folk" a Jeep belonging to one of the characters is graffitied and "FAGGOT" is written in pink spray paint on the side paneling. As the owner drives through downtown Pittsburg, he declares his inclination to leave the graffiti and begins yelling "I'm a faggot!" to the passersby. The impulsion to use it in the first person allows the character to change the term from being the projection of others onto himself into an external declaration of his own sexuality. This claim is defiant of, and exclusionary to, anyone who would refuse to drive down the street yelling "I'm a faggot;" he has set the mark. For a moment, it is him versus the world and it is a beautiful thing- but it cannot last. The term does not stand on its own, but always relationally to that which it is not, creating language barriers which isolate and ostracize while creating new insides and outsides. This constant tension illustrates clearly the endless revision as the term shapes and reshapes those who invoke it; it is a struggle which can be traced throughout the century to the present day."Queer as Folk" exemplifies this struggle in the realm of modern culture. With my two satangs, I would say the name of the show "Queer as Folk" has its own reason and define meaning. The producers were trying to portray the reality of freakiness but using the key word Queer as in Different and Folk as in everyone else. So the whole idea of meaning or reading between the line have given me the perception that even we are different (gays) but we are as same different as everyone out there. In conclusion of this blog, the reason that why I titled my blog, Queer as Folk because Sabina Bite of Life and Gorgeous Woman have already taken!!!

Rachel Hylton

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:28:49 +0800

I was surfing the internet this afternoon and kept looking for something that would catch my interest. I have to admit that I am not such a big fan of Thai reality shows unlike many people out there (Do not judge me) and I thought they were a bunch of make believers and hoax. Before a minute I was about to quit surfing, there was something that caught my attention and drew my entire afternoon just to watched it on YouTube. There was a show called X Factor 2008. X Factor was an original reality show prior American Idols. The concept is similar by searching for the best singer throughout the country with the same producer Simon Cowell. This program found both Shayne Ward and the incredible Leona Lewis year ago. The new season started again few weeks ago with a new judge, Cheryl Cole, a former member of UK girl band--Girls Aloud. The reason I am writing this blog is not to promote the show, but the contestant named Rachel Hylton.Rachel is 26 years old with 5 kids who has pledged that nothing will stop her quest for success in The X Factor. And her determination to succeed has seen fight against family opinion as she battled to claim her chance to impress.She has a rather complicated story. She became pregnant at a young age and had her first child at the tender age of thirteen. Shortly after, she began taking drugs, and after having had a further two children she found herself with a drug related prison sentence. She said that after she had her last two kids that she stopped and wanted to change her life. They say that unlike most animals, human beings tend to reflect on the past, the present and the future. I tend to do that all the time…living life in shouldda, couldda and wouldda mode. Unlike the movies, there is no way of knowing the outcome of a decision made in the past. Some say you just have to live for the day in the present and what is done is done. Yet one event or decision can have a butterfly effect on your life and on your future. I always admire those people who have bad past and decided to change their lives around and do something good and better. We all had the past but some of us still living with it.There is nothing worse that living in your fear and lose you chance to become something better.Do not become your worst enemy!Everyone always says they wish they could go back in time and do things differently. “If only you knew then what you know now,” you wonder. The reality is that it is in that evolution and growth that you actually learn something. And that is what life is all about really…experiences. As much as some experiences were painful in the past, they have made me the person I am today. For this show Rachel is definitely a star in our eyes. In the show she performed the Amy Winehouse, No Good, but was quick to quip “It doesn’t mean that I am no good”. Whilst on the surface a throw-away innocent comment, there was so much more behind the statement. At the auditions, Rachel impressed all four of the judges with some of them called her a diamond in the rough. Even Simon Cowell told her, “I absolutely love you, love you. You’re fantastic. A breath of fresh air. And my favorite audition so far”. Whilst Rachel’s past may be one that many of us don’t recognize, her future is undoubtedly one of success both within the competition and beyond. She won the hearts of many people who watch this show and mine and I remember she said " This is what I want to do and all the people who thought I was nothing, they will see that I could be something" said Rachel with her tears.-- People can really change and become something better and bigger, but only doubtable question is ‘WHEN are you going to start to do it’? ---

Art of flirting

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:06:35 +0800

Wikipedia has definite the word FLIRTING as following:Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a sexual and/or romantic interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.Flirting is often used as a means of expressing interest and gauging the other person's interest in courtship, which can continue into long-term relationships. Alternatively, it may simply be a prelude to casual sex with no continuing relationship.If sex is our main course, then flirting is the appetizer! Flirting can be both an art and a science. What would dating be without flirting? Apparently flirting is part of diplomacy. Do we always jump to main course without appetizer? Well sometimes we do but unsightly. For some of us, flirting is our favorite sport or best attribute. We do it all the time and everywhere. The trick is not to send out a bunch of fake signals but to be relaxed enough to send out the signals that say 'I'm interested' rather than 'I'm terrified' and to be aware so that you can recognize the signals when they are being sent your way!Flirting is an art of seduction form which uses both verbal and nonverbal communication to express your interest in someone. I have to admit that I am terrible at it. I am better at flirting online. If flirting is a science, then my friend O is a Master at it. He claims that anyone can learn how to flirt. The key according to O is to be yourself and not be something you’re not as a way to impress someone. If you play your cards right, flirting can open doors to getting to know lots of new people and can be a great way to start conversations with guys you are trying to pick up.I’ve always found bars socially frustrating. Unlike clubs where you can go dance, there’s not much to do at a bar if you don’t know people and are of a shy disposition.My friend offered a great, if expensive, way to pick up guys at a bar. If you see some cute guys at a bar, buy a round for everyone. The problem with the direct approach at bars is that of you face rejection and go back to your spot it can look like you’re working your way down the line.The drink makes you seem generous and gives you something to connect with guys over while not seeming like you’re buying him a drink specifically. Unless I happen to be really low on cash and already well into a binge, I chafe at guys who offer to buy me drinks. I’d rather not feel like I owe anyone. But, if I’m caught in an area effect, then why not enjoy it?O just smiles and in two minutes he starts a friendly conversation. He can talk to anyone in any situation and uses his smile as an opening line. Flirting is not cruising though. Cruising is more about getting sex. Flirting is more about breaking the ice and being able to meet someone for dating and companionship. It is not about playing games, says O. So what makes a great flirt? Facial expressions: Lots of smiling opens mouthed and teeth flashing. Are you smiling back? Eye Contact: Is he looking you in the eyes and staring at you while you smile? Is he winking? Are you? Smiling is the most effective tool in flirting. Experts say that the most important thing you can do make yourself more approachable and attractive is to smile. Your smile is your best accessory, my grandma always says. It is all about your LIPS: Use those lips to get attention. Lick them, pucker your lips and touch them with your tongue. That will get his attention. You want men to think about sex…show those pearly whites! Posture: Thrust your chest and mirror the other guy’s posture. Make sure you have an approachable posture. Stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart with your toes pointing outward. About compliments. Do not use those sleazy pick ups lines but make a good small talk. Keep it creative and humorous. Be yourself and feel confident and relaxed Keep the conversation even flow and smooth. Do not dominate but make it a two way conversation. Enjoy flirting for what it is…getting to know others and making a connection. Do not expect anything in return just enjoy the moment. Let the flirtation begins :)....Today theme song by Touch and Go called Straight to number one..

Questions existing

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:31:49 +0800

Recently I caught up with Q, my 20 something year old pseudo young gay brother and smartest young gay I known with such a party animal like me. We have been brothers or sisters more than a year while he was an intern in Thailand. He is an American who rose in Thailand but I was his first mentor to guide him to Gay Scene in Bangkok. His visit this time is mainly to catch up with his lifestyle along with working on his resource about the problem down south of Thailand (stressful). The talk between him and me, as it always does with gay men turned to men and relationships. I could see myself in Q..he was just like me but ten years ago. I used to be like him…optimistic about relationships and believe that I would find a life partner. After years long of dating and a few unsuccessful relationships I really doubt whether two gay men can be together for life. I look around at all the gay men that I know…most are either single and those who have relationships only seem to last a few years.Sure there are a lot of chances for hetro to get divorce as well but so many factors keep straight people together or get back together. Unlike Gay men we do not have any factor that can keep two guys being committed or responsible in each other like, we dun get pregnant or oblige by law. Men and women are both very different, emotionally, and physically. Women’s role has always been to emotionally connect with men. Children, legal protections and the social structure are every girl dream and right to hold onto someone. Every girl wants to get married...while many gay men want to go to parties and have casual sex. If you look at lesbian relationships versus gay relationships you see the contrasts…the strong emotional connection between women. Why so we like to sleep around, have fun, and hardly commit into any relationship? Is it because we are GAY? Answer: Because we are HUMAN MAN. Sure there are always exceptions to the rule. But let’s face it, for gay men it is more difficult to find a long term partner…well at least at my generation or Bangkok.Sometimes when you talk to someone that so optimist and disagree with you, that person often burst his bubble. Some other time my cynical side was crushing his ideal of happily ever after. Luckily Q was there to be a buffer…he could see the arguments of both of our points. Like I said before , he is a smart kid.I have experienced with many hetro who are married to women but playing around with guys. I know it was a taboo to talk about but let face it that these stuffs in presently are normal. They have a partner (companion, friend) and someone to share their life with…have kids ….and the great gay sex. I secretly also hoped that I was wrong…that a special someone was out there…that I would not have to live alone and old… I hope that Q becomes a bit cynical or negative about life otherwise he may end up with heartbreak and unprepapred and I also hope that I become more of an open minded about this otherwise I may have a lot of heartbreak too. I could not help but wonder if I had started out like Q ten years ago, why had I become so cynical? Bad dating experiences? Were the men here to blame? Was it better outside of this Bangkok bubble? Or they all just the same… I wondered.Today theme song is called " Question Existing" Rihanna with The Wideboys Club Mix...

Running into scissors

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:49:08 +0800

They say you cannot move forward if you are still living in the past. This is especially true when you broken up with your loved one. The memories, the special places and dreams keep you thinking about what you had.I had a major encounter with my exes few days ago. It was his birthday and surprisingly the first day that we met. I deadly wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday. I met him exactly a year ago on the night after clubbing. We were introduced through our friend and we didn’t have such a first great start. He was so vain and so was I. It became an opposite attraction and surprisingly we were in love and matched. Many people agreed that he was just like me in many ways or some reason seemed like looking at me throughout the glass window. I tried and tried to call him but there was no answer, emailed him without his response and it turned me to be one of those needy gay guys. The question that answers to all my linger behavior is that when we broke up we never actually breaking up. None of us ever said those words, he just left and we had no closure. Sometimes it couldn’t help but to doubts that was it really our decision or actually happen. I know it’s sad right? Am I longing for closure...but how it could be when the door also closes on the hope that we could get back together.This morning on the way to the BTS station I saw my first ex . I couldn't help but think if I was just stuck in the past? Jonnie was one of my boyfriends and I was madly in love with him. I had met him first time 7 years ago and because of my young adolescence years I couldn’t help pulling myself to go and talk to him until 7 years later. He is British who works in Thailand for years and that time we were boy friend it was just a wrong timing. He hated everything in this city and ready to leave. I was madly in love and changed myself into a perfect boyfriend. All my friends hated me back then because they knew that wasn’t the real me. I looked at him. He looked at me. There was an awkward turtle walked pass us by and then I got off my station. He was getting on the train. We were never heading in the same direction.We were together for a while. It was a learning experience for me. My first gay relationship in Thailand. Our break up was messy. I am not going to dignify how it was but let say that I didn’t see it coming. After we broke up I tried to avoid meeting him in places. I hardly go back to places we used to go or do something that we used to do. Denial was one of my strength in defense mechanisms. I could not help but wonder how you can get over the past if it is always in your present? And in order to get over a break up do you have to leave the country or lose your sense of being self? I once moved a country for someone who I thought it was right and ended up he broke my heart (big shocker).Is it possible I could not open my heart again unless I let those past go? Let them go?One thing was certain. I could not wait them to let me go and going to do what needy gay guy would have done once again. If there will be no closure or they wont let me go, then it is time for me to cut them loose and start walking by myself ….Surely, it will hurt but also thing will looking up better for me.Love quote of the day "When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy. But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you wish you hadn't."Today theme song is ' Strange and Beautiful ' by Aqua Lung

Bangkok Gay Rules

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:59:05 +0800

No, I have not died and pretty much still alive and kicking. I am just recovering from a cold and sinus. The change in seasons or partied too hard sometimes gets me sick. Being a sickie made me lost any of my interest and just wanted to be as lazy as possible and hardly even moved out of bed. I caught up on my movies and reading blogs over internet. I turned my phone off or even it sometimes it was on I hardly answer, living in my own fantasy world. After being a cynical about love, relationships, and romance. I made me become one of those people who always look at the fault and flaw more than the good side… Sometimes it ‘s good for me as I would protect myself for not getting hurt but sometimes it makes me lose my chance to open up to anyone anymore. My friend always said ‘Santi, you are such a cynic and I loved that about you ’. They often asked me to go meet this new person who he/she is currently dating. They reckon that I would point out what they overlooked and not seen also they know that I am not afraid to tell in their faces.First date is the most impressive and pretentious. I always tell my friends that first impression is everything. We tend to impress the others by being someone else and say something right at the first time. Do not fall in to the fact that you think it's gonna work out great. If you still wanted to impress and dress nice for a date, that mean they also do the same to you so do not think that is the real thing you see.Gay had learned the hard way that gay men will say anything to get into your pants and that they won’t call you when they say they will. Fallen into a same scenario is easily to be found in Gay World. You may ask yourself 'what have you done wrong' and the classic one ‘I thought we had so much in common and why?’ One of my friends told me weeks ago that he had met a perfect person and they had such a great time together. Later on that week, a guy had to go back to UK and promised him he will come back. My friend was overwhelmed at the fact that a guy still wanted to see him and promised him something that every gay men was longing to hear ‘RELATIONSHIP’.I realized then that no one ever told him how to play by Gay Rules. On my birth day, they broke up and that he was intear and broke down. I could just only look and try to comfort him as possible but also I wanted to scream out say to him that ' you should have seen it coming and distance relationship is a relationship for a fool'. but I kept my mouth shut.I have always been a good listener, but not much as a good speaker. I am more as a realist than a dreamer, but sometimes you needed to lie to comfort and console that person to go through the hard period of thei live. That swhy it is so hard for me to give some any one advice. I did not have the heart to tell my friend that this was really what happens in Gay Dating and Gay Life. It is not a rose pedal street out there …it is a war! You either end up a victim or predetor. You can never believe what a guy says. But I could not bring myself to burst his romantic bubble. It took me 12 years and a few hundred break ups to get this cynical.Bangkok is the city where love only lasts a maximum over night where everyone wants to have affairs to forget, shagging before dating ,an open relationship is the relationship that still work and where being single is not a lifestyle but a handicap.I told him a lie we all singles tell ourselves when the guy broke up with him “When you least expect it, you’ll meet the right guy for you,” I said. Today song is ' Without you here' by Goo Goo DollOne of my favorite songs and touch my heart....

Krabi with love

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:25:11 +0800

It was my birthday on Sat 2nd August. The whole point of us coming to Krabi was to celebrate my birthday and being stupid outside our boxes. We wanted to escape the Bangkok chaos and have some “fun” for my birthday. Also when arrived on Tonsai Beach, we discovered not only we will be having fun but also we will be in “heat”. Heat we had….we started the day at the on beach watching muscle rock-climbing dudes. Those dudes mostly come from down-under, Australia, could tell by their accents and looks. While watching them climb up and down the limestone cliff, it was fascinating to see them sweat, wished there was popcorn or confectionery counter so I could enjoy even more watching them-instead we got a bucket of local made cocktail and not even noon yet. Well it that was a good start of my B’day weekend.So the beach like any other beach was hard to get to... We had to take a minivan and long tailed boat to get there….only to find that the locals and back packers from around the world. Luckily we were at the time of low season so the accommodation we got was pretty cheap and discounted.‘You can take people out of Studio 54, but you can take the stuio54 out of people’ – that phase was what actually what we stood up for. We bought out own drink and boom box, pretty much ended the peace and quiet on that beach...but hey! It’s once a year and it’s my birthday I aint got nothing to lose. 15 queens, 4 warrior wigs and 1 birthday boy… what more can I say! We got dressed in my room and pretty much started drinking, it was fun watching them got into frocks and put colors for make-ups. There is a reason to be gay – so we pretty much know what to do with our faces and dresses. Walked out the room looking fierce and like a bunch of Mardi Gras participants. Strutted downed the road and passed the Muslim Seminar Convention, OMG! I could not believe we just did it!Tonight we were going wild and party till dusk. We met a group of Rock Climber and were invited to a bon-fire party. It brought me back those years living overseas and hung out with straight friends who know how to entertain and party. Skinny dipping at midnight, bon-fire under the stars, fell off the ladder and dance on the bar were pretty much what we did and frankly it felt good. Then we bumped into one of the bartender of FREEDOM bar. Instead of selling drinks tonight, he was just downing them and dropping them in my mouth FREE! The music was great and the drinks were free and cheap comparison to Bangkok standards. We were having a good night. The tropical weather definitely gave the FREEDOM bar a good atmosphere.People come to Krabi to have a good time, party and get some fun. It was around 2 am when we headed to my room. Emotionally drained of spending these special day but none of my former lovers did call once. My eyes were in tear in the morning and wanted to call and ask that why didn’t any of them call… Was I that bad in relationship? And the one question that I wanted to ask myself was that why was it bothering me these much. I guess we dun really have any closure and somehow emotionally lingered to what used to be good. Wiped my tears and pulled myself together and look back earlier these days… Couldn’t help asking myself … How many people would be this blessing ,having loved ones around you on your birthday … not waiting for a phone call. When we are "in our heads" about a great many things, I find it useful to resort to gratitude for all good things. You have your health and a Whole life ahead of you. Enjoy the single time to get to know you much better, that's the goal in life to find ourselves and live our authentic and best life.Thanks you friends ...what if I have never met you! “HAPPY BIRTH DAY SANTI...I LOVE YOU”

I don't grow older, I grow riper

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:43:55 +0800

I remember thinking as a child that 30 years old was old. As old as dirt and that at 30 you must have a foot step into the grave already. You were ancient at 30. Funny how the perspective changes as the years go by.I have been waiting this months for a while when I could actually feel what it like not to be 28 anymore. I’m not 30 yet, but it certainly seems close as I turned 29 today. I felt the weight of this milestone as I realized my 20’s are pretty much over. Damn, where did the time go? As I look around it seems pretty obvious where it went- break-ups, a career, a travelling, several parties, friendships discovered and lost, I have managed to capture all of these in heart in one year.A small part of me wants to hold on those years of number, for fear of what’s to come at 30. I have crinkling at the corner of my eyes when I smile that will probably be more and more prominent in a year or two. I dun have to wait to see if my first gray hair starts lurking somewhere because they are all over, but cant help of thinking and waiting for a bad hair day to pop up and scare me like a monster in a bad horror flick. The weight gets harder to lose the older I get, and I worry one day it will just look at me, laugh, and say it’s there for good. So to celebrate me saying Good Bye to my 28, my friends and I decided that if I want to kick-off my new year in life; it should start with a BANG and stupid. We planned our trip down southern of Thailand and called it Ignunt Unleashed Beach Trip. All my life I have never been to Krabi and this should be my first time. I am a person who love sand and sea and infinity horizon. This should be fun..

Single and Fabulous (!)

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 12:55:43 +0800

Last week, it had been an eventful week and I organized the company event and meeting the clients. Instead of in with the new, I seem to have reconnected with the old. Instead of worrying about life, I’m just feeling it. They say people very rarely change but feelings and emotions do change. Does love? Can you fall in love again with someone you used to love? I have been MIA (missing in action) with scene boredom for last few days, stayed home, ordered a bucket of K.F.C (Fingers Lickin’ Good), spoiled myself in bed (not sexually) and watched Friends over and over again! I felt really good to lock myself and spent time alone in my bed once in a while and be safe in my own room. However when I am alone with myself, I couldn’t help just to think of my life and people around me. That is why I kept myself being busy and surrounded by the crowd so I would not have time to think of what coulda/ shoulda happens to me.My good friend always used to say gay life was like a one way ticket. You always needed to keep moving forward never looking back. Destiny is when opportunity meets preparation, she used to say, only came once and you had to take them otherwise they would never come back. Do you only have one chance at making things work? Or is life like a boomerang. Where opportunity, love, life and people keep coming back…over and over. Where time matures you enough to appreciate certain people…where the good karma that you send out actually comes back in the cosmic cycle? Are we being protect by the Universe? My group of single friends mirrors a support group for recovering alcoholics. We like to think of ourselves as Singles Anonymous. We support each other when we are down; we share horror date stories, our cynicism about men, our neurotic attitudes towards dating and our hope in finding a boyfriend. They say that love is a drug…but maybe it is men who are the drugs!I got a call from my friend last night, he said he had had a typical Bangkok gay weekend and was feeling a bit down and empty and ready to move somewhere. I was wondering whether his moving is for himself or just changing the scene. He was in what I like to call in AA terminology…dating relapse.Relapse is feeling hopeless, alone and ready to give up. It is the feeling that we are destined to be alone, a spinster that feeling you get in a tunnel without any light at the end of it. Darren felt a big void in his life. He felt alone. He felt like he was never going to find love. I am starting to sound like my therapist!!!I told him he still young. Gay man tends to find love after 35. Was it true? Well that what’s my opinion upon this matter and I just wanted to cheer him up. I told him he would probably find love when he least expected and when he was not looking. This theory I had experienced myself and I started to believe so..Dun look to hard to find it. Sometimes you have already met that person but all you needed is timing and place. Well I have not been looking for over a year now and I have not found anything…except for a fulfilling hobby…my blog… but that doesn’t mean I will give up in love and start to be despair.Someone once said Gay Dating Relapse is suffering from dating burnouts. Too many bad dates, too many lies, too many games, too much casual sex, losing trust. The signs were clear. Sometimes we needed to detox or even go to Gay Rehab.I told him what people keep telling me. Focus on the positives of life. Focus on dating you. Let love happen by chance, not by internet? It seems a lot of singles are taking dating sabbaticals and even coming to accept their single lifestyle.I guess reality of things which I am seeing. There isn't much selection out there and there are so much balls teasers. Addictions to alcohol, drugs and sex are hitting the gay community stronger and harder. I know that straight people are as much as addictive to gay, but when you look at the amount of people they can choose from. We have to do tremendous hoop-jumping just to meet someone that fall into criteria: is he gay, does he has a problem of commitment, have his stuff together, then we both have to have something in common (you can't just put two gay guys together and figure all's well!), and then comes the sexual compatibility. There are so many funnels that we put ourselves and each other through. Anyone who can last through that has found a person they should never let go. So my dear gay friends and Singles Anonymous friends.. just hang in there.. your date and day still yet to come. If you started to get despair and give it up then you wont never know how it going to end...

All That Glitters..

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:12:02 +0800

Last Friday night I saw the PLU Travel and Events team hastily dry-cleaning dresses and, in the case of our gentlemen companions, styling facial hair and prepared for the big opening for sizzling cocktail party. The party was lived up to its name ‘ All That Glitters..’, where party goers would scouted their best dresses and threw the best glitters to shine while strutting down the Silom. This event was organized by me, People Like Us Travel and Events, a company that involves with circuit party and exotic travel destination. We concentrate to please customers by selecting the best up-coming DJs, venues and nonetheless party destinations. Thank to all the support for my marvelous friends, you know who you are. Beverages were supported by Italasia, RUSSIAN STANDARD; the truly stars of the night. The party was set at soi 4 , LOUNGE 4. It located in middle of Soi 4 with indoor bar and resting areas and an extensive outside terrace area for us to chill and hang out. We were greeted with liquid refreshments courtesy of Russian Standard. Jello Shots with scrumptious brownie and butts-slapping Vodka Chocolate. Thanks to my great friend Davina, who made those and even though she was busy but was gladly to do so, I am very grateful Glitterati marched in the Soi with handful of gift bags and liquid drinks along with pumping music which was played by DJ Vicious with all your favorites from disco, trance and 80th making the whole night was hella fun. The highlight of the evening had to be when the SHOW GIRLS and moi did the numbers of drag songs in the rain with our fiercest dresses and the crowd was jumping up and down the dance street while pouring rain. The party went until 12.30 am and had to wrapped by the police because the crowd was getting louder and bigger.Once again big thanks to our sponsors ; Italasia, Buzz Destination, Travel Guide Magazine, Davina, Clement, Somchai, PLU team and all of my great friends who I couldn’t thank enough of being there and helping out . You are the real heroes that made the night shine and golden! Wiping tears of pride away and clutching a bottle of bubbly as I wobbled off into the night, proclaiming the party as the best bash so far in that soi. Will anything be able to top it? We’ll have to wait and see…

Lonely Beach

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:27:33 +0800

The rainy season has officially started, even though it has been raining regularly for over a month now. The Buddhist holiday that marks this change in season is called Khao Phansa and Asaraha Bucha which based on the Thai lunar calendar (the fifteenth day of the waxing moon of the eighth lunar month). It is normally in July towards the end of the month. I was given 4 days off and so looking forward to this holiday. I made sure I have cleared all my tasks before I go because I want to stay on my holiday with peace and be able to switch off my cell phone. We (me and two of my friends) decided to hit the beach and I chose to go back to Koh Chang – LONELY BEACH, Trat.One of the reasons I kept going back to this wonderful place was that I had such a great time here with my ex- boy friend that I thought I was going to spend my life with and whom I see a lot of myself when looking at him.There were lots of good memories to be reminisced on this Island. The feeling of impermanence that struck me was flood to my mind once I stepped on this Island. If you start a long-term relationship with a place, you need to get used to seeing it develop or decay. It's the two sides of the same coin I guess. If you're just a one-time visitor, then you get the nice captured picture of a moment in time and space. This was my third times visit and I've started to perceive changes – Koh Chang kept changing every time I come back and honestly sometimes it's caught me off guard, I cannot deal with those changes yet.My first time I visited this place was when I was 22 year old with someone special as well, there were no paved roads reaching all the way down to the fishing village on the southern part of Koh Chang. The Treehouse was only accessible on dirt roads or by boat. When I first visited, the break-neck serpentine road was already there, and along came the electric cables. A small petrol pump, 7-Eleven and maybe even a fewer Atm's and internet since then as well... Treehouse located on Lonely Beach or Ao Tha Nam which called by Thais. It is a place with unusual clientele of hippie-like travelers, back packers and low budget young travelers. Not that we were cheap or anything but sometimes I felt like I would like to escape my routine in big city and step off the cycle of luxury from time to time. I was fascinated to be in this place because those travelers with different nationalities and languages. They all have different stories and back grounds, to listen and talk to them somehow open and enlighten my notions.I never had a hard time mixing and blending in with other people on this Island or this Treehouse. I just loved the place and didn't care about anything else. I loved having the long walk on the beach when it was showering or right before sunset – others were having a drink at that time, usually. Lying all day long in my hammock, listening to the easy music at the Treehouse restaurant, reading some book, ordering Omelets with melted cheese for breakfast, fruit shake for lunch, fried red snapper for dinner, and watching my friends having Happy Shake. Watching the waves and take in their smell. I never washed away the touch and smell of seawater; it felt so great to have my eyes looking out a never ending ocean right before me. It made me feel so independent and free. Every where I look, it was him doing something ,talking to me, laughing with me and sometimes I couldn’t help but to think that I had never lose him since the day we met. It wasn’t easy to be left by choice—I was thinking.When the night fell, the twelve-hour downpour started. I was lying on my bed in my small hut, heard the rain drop falling on top of me, and the stormy sea almost rolled in.Sometimes I could feel the foam of the huge waves in my face. I dreamt about the water rolling the stones back and forth, and my hut was sheltered and virtually hugged by the nature.I was feeling truly blessed, at peace with the world and within myself. I felt become part of an irresistible, all-encompassing that took care of me and took away my fears, instead of fighting and fighting my demons.On a bright full moon night I stared at the moon and it stared back, and I realized that it's not just me looking at this moon for years and years, but believed that there was surely someone looking at the same moon with me out there. The key is that we must catch each other's glance simultaneously.... sometimes I felt it was hopeless. When the time come and my weekend was over, I tried to capture most of the memories which I had over the weekend to over take those years of memory which I had so I wouldn’t feel so sad to leave this place. When I went back to the mainland and walked back to my room. I washed away all those dirt and questions off my face and looked into the mirror for the first time in 4 days, there was a stranger looked back. A stranger that was the most me ever.

Last Sat Night DJ saved my life

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:19:48 +0800

‘Encore, encore’ squealed from a crowd of party people inside the Club Ibiza last Saturday when the party came to an end at 2.30 am. The club was located underground of sophisticated Hotel Intercontinental nearby ‘Ploenchit’ BTS station. Among the improvements to the venue is the refurbishment from an old Latin club, with loads more space for dancing, stairs case and spacious dance floor. This room has now been purpose built to provide the best audio and visual clubbing experience. This fierce party brought by Universal Player, organizer and founder ‘Patrick Ribbseater’. I was invited to this party and at first I had to admit that I didn’t know who the DJ was. After years of partying and hitting the dance floor, DJ Osaku didn’t ring any bell for my stereophonic ears. Early that Saturday morning for the first time in months that I wasn’t hang over or spaced out. I had a time to walk around my neighborhood and making crank calls to my friends who still passed out on their beds and spent the afternoon surfing internet. I checked out this DJ‘s profile and watched him on youtube.com. Man! a moment I heard his music for the first time I was blown away and hit the moon without any medication. I rang my friends and had him listen to the beat and sound and they agreed that it was a party we shouldn’t be missing. I had my dance shoes prepared and fiercest outfits were being scouted. ‘I am gonna dance all night’ was on my status profile as for my affirmation.We arrived around 10 pm., the club was empty and I was a bit surprised. However my good friend Patrick had arranged our seats and reserved the table along with fully equipped drinking galore on the table. I, then, without hesitation went straight to the cocktails. The resident DJ of that night was playing at first. His music was ok for me, just to warm up the heat so I had no comment. The herd of party people started to march in after 11 pm and DJ Osaku started his tracks at 10.45 pm and the crowd gone wild. Japanese DJ Osaku was a hero in his field, the real-deal superstar of the night. His previous play at dance parties, earning his effort and live up to his name of International rising star with no doubt about it.The reason the 20-something year old (my guessing) has risen so far is that he has developed a style of his own, based heavily on the populist trance sound, electro and acid house but comprising.Acid House was a defining moment when everything changed - music, culture, and people. It began of the dance music movement and led to a new breed of clubbing as we know it. To give some indication of how electro-acid house music time has speeded up and the movements are seemingly born into the mainstream, acid house was afforded nearly a year away from the gaze of the media and straight dancing society."Our culture has become something that is completely and utterly in love with its parent. It's become a notion of boredom that is bought and sold, where nothing will happen except that people will become more and more terrified of tomorrow, because the new continues to look old, and the old will always look cute." ---Malcolm McLarenFor many generations, we have been sought out an outlet in some form to differentiate itself in the direction from the previous, whether by selectively using an old ideas or creating freshly new ones. In my two cents, the current stagnation of dance and club music perceived by most sections of the media is sometimes overstated. The music scene is more positively splintered now than ever before and if the recycled ideas are great to use so be it.Electro-Acid House music, can it be the ‘it’ for now - I believe so if only to continue the traditional and inevitable void. For Japanese Invasion night where DJ Osaku played exactly what the people wanted - fast and pneumatic beats that never changed, layered with ever-changing melodic sounds capes. He was playing a 4 set for this party and may I say -this is an Acid that I could never have enough. “Brilliant-two thumbs up “New York Time didn’t need to say it.. I JUST DID

Gay in the City part deux

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:33:03 +0800

(Sorry folk that I didn’t continue this blog sooner as per to workload and friend's problem blah blah ... here goes ....)7. If you saw a sign of trouble, hang in there do not bail out YET. Relationships take hard work and conflict is actually a necessary precursor to such a deeper connection and intimacy. Realize what’s missing and what the kind of barriers you have and determine if negotiation is possible, remember! Compromising is a key to a great relationship. 8. Be proactive and in charge in getting what you want and responsible to what happens. Conquer your anxieties and fear about taking a risk or be initiative. Don’t stand on the sidelines hoping someone will make a first move. Make that move yourself and choose to approach someone if you’re interested. Internalize the mantra: REJECTION IS BETTER THAN AN OMISSION!9. The most fear we all have is being rejected. Face that fear and learn to live with some of the rejection and take it like a man. A turn-down doesn’t describe who you are as a person; it has everything to do with the other person’s projections, needs and back ground. Know that you are worthy and deserving. God made us by his own image then you should never look down on yourself.10. Have you supportive safety net. Surround yourself with positive people who will affirm you and support you. I know it’s hard to find in this GAY society, some positive affirmation might come with a shock or not in such a nice term but you need to be with people who you comfortable with and give a s**t. Family and friends provide a much needed source of connection, love, and fun that can truly enhance your life as a single gay man.11. Lastly that I could think of. Just be careful of casual sexual encounters if your goal is to meet someone as your life partner. Typically sexual release is the primary aim of such encounters, which can confuse and disillusion you to the type of men available, believing that gay men only want sex and nothing more significant or with depth. Put yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet men with similar goals and if you choose to “play along the way,” always practice responsible safe sex.There you have it! My tips from what I think it would help you to win over someone and overcome fear of yourself and if was not, artless it would make you feel good about yourself. Good luck and good night!

Gay in the City (1)

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:33:41 +0800

To be an adolescent gay man in this big city is not only as easy as it looks but it needs to establish productive relationships to manage their sexuality as well.Due to growing up in this society, early years, most gay men as teenagers had to keep their sexualities hidden for fear of social backlash and further damage to their already shaky self-images. Some boys chose to distance themselves completely from face-to-face dating, while others chose to date their electronic devices or female friend to more easily "fit in" and be accepted.I remembered my first time purchasing a so called Gay VDO (that what they called those days). I was recommended to go to weekend market and shop around the plants and pottery area. Suddenly when I walked into the area, I was approached by a 40 something male who realized what I was looking for without saying anything (do I look that gay?). He took me the a little room an locked the door, there were variety of choices to choose from and he said it was priced 8,000 baht, I told him I do not have that much money and only have 3,000 ( foolish me ) he then said ‘ Ok for you , it’s special price I could sell you at 3,000 baht. My first GAY VDO WAS 3,000 BAHT. I know what you are thinking right now and yes I was a fool and that lesson had taught me well as I am now no.1 Gay VDO Guru and expert at hackle.I also remembered took a bus to the city and walked around the book stall and wait and wait until there were less people around the area and try to purchase GAY Magazine. I then couldn’t do what I came all the way to do because I was ashamed and discouraged. What I am trying to tell you is that back in those years, we didn’t have much luxury and technology like internet and cable TV. Gay men still in the shell and shield and try to protect themselves much more than present.How many times in your life thinking that you would like to ask a male companion or your boyfriends to go to the PROM? My prom night I had to ask a girl to accompany as my chaperon while deep in my heart I was dying to ask Marley, my so close male friend. I wasn’t out then so during the night I had to pretend to enjoy the music, the dance and denied when the girl asking me out (yes! I wasn’t that ugly).For some, there was no other choice for them but to date girls, while for others it was an attempt to extinguish their feelings they had for males. Very few gay men had the luxury of being able to openly date other gay males and to live authentically.Fortunately, today's generation of gay is experiencing slightly more liberal attitudes and acceptance from their peer of being gay, but there's still a long way to go. As a result, many gay men as adults remain perplexed and confused about how to date other men. What follows is some tips list of things to keep in mind as they do in pursuit of their Mr. Right or Right Now. Add your own to the list and keep it handy as a quick-reference guide as you embark upon your dating adventures to promote greater success in your fabulous life.Gay Dating Tips1. Creating a full life puts you in charge of your own happiness and dependency on finding a relationship to make you whole. You must be yourself first before your relationship can be activated. By developing yourself, those internal feelings of zest and fulfillment will show on the outside as well. Very attractive indeed! I would also say that charming gay guy is much nicer than just those who have the looks.Live your life to the max! 2. Know who you are, what your needs and values are, and what you stand for. This will take you far as you delve through this cruel world. Having a clear vision and purpose in your life will help to keep you centered and grounded.3. Measure and examine your history and determine which one worked for you and which color you shouldn’t show out. Identify the obstacles that prevent you from engaging in the kinds of relationships that you want.4. Chemistry and compatibility are not the same thing. While that “chemical spark” is important, a person’s enduring qualities are what really help to lay the foundation for potential long-term relationship success.5. Ask yourself that are you really ready for a relationship? or are you really a ' Boyfriend Material'? and assess your true motives. One of the biggest relationship “sabotagers” is not being able to be fully present, to be commited and being distracted by other needs or issues, and having other priorities that compete with the relationship. Determine if you are “dateable” and develop goals to accomplish true relationship readiness. Develop your self-esteem and create a vision for how you’d like your life to be.6. Don’t try to date relationship that’s not working or for the sake of deperation of loneliness or afraid to hurt the other’s feelings. This only robs both of you of precious time that could be better served improving your quality of life in new directions. Learn to be assertive and direct with your needs and feelings.( TO BE CONTINUED )

Picture Perfect

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:27:54 +0800

You had a really bad day at work. The entire week was utter crap. You worked 9-10 hour days five days straight, getting home after 8pm each night and sometimes after midnight depends on the invitation or work related demand. So happy that it's Friday, all you want to do is go home, lay in the hot tub, eat dinner , watch some good old movie and go to sleep, glad to not have to wake up at the ungodly hour you normally do Monday thru Friday.Upon arrival at your house , you are about to stick the key in the lock of your front door when you notice a post-it note stuck on the window. Then you peel it off, read it, and it quotes “After days like this, all we need is each other....”Intrigued, you turn your keep to unlock and open the door to find the room completely dark. Except there are candles lighting your way down the hall, with rose petals lying in a trail, and soft music playing in the background. Giddily, you follow the path of candles and rose petals up where it leads to your bathroom. Sound of the water running and the stream coming out of the bathroom, he warms the tub for you with half poured merlot on the side. You walk through the doorway to find your partner in the tub filled with bubble bath and rose petals. Beside the tub are more candles, some grapes and strawberry in a bowl.Smiling, you say hello and give your partner a tender kiss on the cheek while he helps rubbing your tensing shoulders and massage your feet. The warmth of the water and the scent of the rose petals immediately relax you, and the sight of your partner's smiling face make you forget about whatever was troubling you or what kind the day you had. You both sit in the tub, sharing cocktails and enjoying each other's company in a most romantic setting.The evening ends with the two of you falling asleep side by side, smiling and glad to be alive and found each other.That would been a perfect night of my life if that actually happened. Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder are those things really exist in gay world or is it just something we keep imagining that would happen and still believe he is out there and help us go on. I try not to think to hurt my head or what if that person or someone doesn’t really exist for me, would my life was destined to be alone?However I have my own picture perfect that actually no need to imagine and wish that one day it would happen to me. My own safety net who helps me when I fall and picking my pieces when it tored up. He might not be a knight with shiny armour, but accept who I really am when I am good or bad. Never judged me of what I do and never walked over me when I stumblem.Here are my picture perfect ..... I am lucky to have found you ...Someone wise once said to me.. ' if we supposed to end up alone ..then we all will be alone together!'

Reality TV bored me

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:56:18 +0800

What I am about to write it was from my own two satangs you might agree or disagree and here's a rant for you - I'm completely and utterly exhausted with the so called 'Thai reality television.' When did when we as a society begin to lower our standards to remotely consider this entertainment? It must be some form of guilty pleasure. The Stars, Academy Fantasia, LG Star Untalented, Fear Factor, Game konlayut (Strategic Game or a Ripped off version of The Apprentice),soon there will be a show called SUPERSTARS which we chose our own TV stars to complete Oh my! Seriously though, I dont thin I can stand it. I may sound skeptical and cynical in my own way but I still watch it sometimes because my grandma watches it! Maybe because I was hoping that at least something better or othershoe to drop but my wait was like waiting for a rain to drop in a draught. I always over-spent my salary and monthly budget to purchased copies of all series which I am addicted or go see movie almost 2 times a week. All those series; Desperate Housewives, Lost, Ugly Betty and all funny stuffs are my favorite because for an hour or two I could escape from the reality and rekindle with my own imagination which are fun, no war, rally, Joe Louis Puppetry or was it Samak I always got confused . Last night I watched LG Star Untalented and it made me laughed ad it wasnt a laugh at the jokes from the Mc or Judges but it was those little girls who spent time after school making the Christmas lights Signage of whoever they were cheering. I couldn’t help but wondering, how many hours a day at school they spend of making them or was it included in Embroidery class or P.E. class. Last moment I decided I still needed some form of mind numbing entertainment so I kept some of what I thought was good channels ( to me ): Discovery, National Geo graphic, F-TV and even Lao Stars. Also I found something really put me in humorous mood every time I think of it, it was Thai Censorship. I and my friends went to see 'Sex and The City the Movie ' and there was a blurry scene of some charecters having sex and a minute there I thought there was someone put Vaseline on the silver screen. It was such a mood killing and not because I didn’t see what was going on there which was obvious to Thai Censorship thought that we are the audience wouldn’t have a clue what was going on there and somehow they think doing that would stop inappropriate behavior from young people...hmmm !While the banning still goes on with sex scene and what I think (I THINK) smoking cigarette scene... ( yeah right! we have no idea what it was ), instead they willing to show the kids all the blood killing , mass massacre and blood bath war, WOW that ‘s something rich! If you wanted reality, turn off your TV and start walk out on the street. Those people sitting in the park, hawkers who carryies fruitful baskets over their shoulders, mother who breast feeding their child while riding a bike... you can't get more real than this.If you want to run a talent show, then you find the real talent, those of whom working day and night trying to earn some money to feed their mouths . Those singers who sing just because they love to and born to sing not because they look so good… that’s talents!Here are some ideas to tick the producer!Fear Factor changes it to Queer factor: Rules: - Having drag queens walk a mile with their flat form shoes.- Do make ups without a mirror or stage lightings.- Walk around Silom without wigs or high-heels ...better yet any base or face foundation.I hope me writing this would not offend any of you who disagree, I do welcome criticize but like I said you are reading this blog because you want to know what I think about and who I really am and it is my blog and this my life I chose. By now I think know should know who I really am; a cynical gay man, fun loving person, circuit party freak, and most importantly...I am SANTI.If by now you have no idea then.... ‘YOU’re FIRED!'

Baan Fueng Fah

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:25:18 +0800

My last Sunday was not the same, I wasn’t hung over at my own bed, and my gin-soaked butts were not rooted to the couch. My good friends, Patrick, founder and organizer of Ribbseater Foundation, who has not appear to have only his beauty from the outside but also skin deep. He organized an event that we would visit Baan Fuengfah Orphanage in Pak Kred, Nonthabuti. I couldn’t help but the think that most of the pictures that shown in travel guide book to Thailand, normally filled with painted and colorful very rosy pictures of Thai society where people aspire to "Nam jai", kindness, and merit is gained through generous acts. People eagerly seek the opportunity to be generous and in Thai society what goes around comes around so an individual benefits from others kindness to the point where the whole system reaches a beautifully harmonious balance. Of course there are skinflints but the word goes round through gossip and these people are eventually shunned. I agree that Thai people have a giving nature and if for some it is in the hope of getting something back, it is still giving. We also do it regularly, bringing gifts to orphanages (mainly food) and each time I go, I'm pretty happy to see we're not the only ones. Bunch of us was not only Thai but multi-national, we visited them and donated food, clothes and all neglected items. A minute we arrived and saw those children, some of them I couldn’t tell apart from normal kids that we could see on street and some of them you couldn’t help but feel sorry with thier unfortunates. These children didn’t need any of luxury in life or money but they needed love and caring. It was such a beautiful feeling to seeing my friends went straight hugging, caressing and carrying those kids without any hesitation. I could see theirs smiles and hear their laughter from time to time. I was overwhelmed and heart-warming and speechless and that was weird because I am a gay with all the words. When you visit the orphanages, you can see the joy in the eyes of every one of the children, it’s the look in those eyes and the smiles on their faces that keep you coming back. Some of my friends felt why the world was unfair to these kids, they did nothing wrong but been abandoned. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of parents left their children behind? I may know nothing about being a parent but if I had a child and there is something wrong with him/her either physically or mentally I would try to help and cure or even love them more. I was very impressed with the work there. Not only do the people there (Baan Fuengfah Staffs) take care of the children by providing them with basic care, cooking and feeding them foods. These people who work at this orphanage and those of you who came along with this event were real heroes walking the earth. Good things would only happen when somebody put the hands into it, action is louder than words. That is why I do support Gay Parenting not because I am gay, but the fact that none of them would ever raise any kid unwanted!! There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being-to help someone succeed. “We are here to make a difference, then do it” - I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be just nobody (to no one). Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Anderson Cooper

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:52:28 +0800

On my way to work this morning, I had to stop and watched CNN on my way up to the elevator. What was it about? Anything good happens in this world? Well! I do not really care. What interested me was a silver bronze hair, smart-dressed, Emmy Award Winner, American journalist, author, and television personality; a 41 years old ‘Anderson Cooper’. Let no one accuse Anderson Cooper of being timid. Of course, he is the king or queen (depend on his role) of disasters: Katrina, Narcis, and Iraq. Many people wondering whether he has chosen his sexual orientation YET? After a while of searching in YAHOO ANSWER, many answers were answered and with my two satangs I would say ‘YES’. He looks totally gay from the exterior and once those lips were opened I swear I could see a Prada purse fall out with a Spring Summer Collection. Oh well, I am not here to judge, even though that what we do. I really admired him that he does not rely on his family name for his success. True it helped afford him things such as good schooling but the man is intelligent and has achieved his own success. I bet you there are many people who don't even know who is mother is. I don't care if he is gay straight bi or whatever; he does a great job with his show. I hoped that if he ever decided to walk a queer lane and come out, he won’t end up like Thomas Roberts. Thomas Roberts had come out at the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association conference in Florida. He stated that he actually gay and came out to coworkers in 1999 and shortly resigned and joined The Insider. I personally believe it’s nobody’s business to “out” someone. If someone wants to come out on their own that’s fine, if not, I really don’t care. Especially when it comes to hotties like Anderson Cooper, a guy who has garnered the amorous attention of both the ladies and the gays, I don’t want to know. If I found out Anderson Cooper truly was gay, it would totally kill my daydreams about him. I can understand if the gay community wants more openly gay figures in media and film, but it doesn’t mean this guy or anyone else has an obligation to come out and become a role model of sorts. And this is concerning someone’s private life after all. In fact, curiosity about Anderson Cooper’s sexual orientation is starting to reach proportions of mass hysteria.Here are some words of advice to Andy: Words to avoid: “Chelsea, Liza Minnelli, Julio Cesar Recio, Amanda Lepore and Meat Packing District.”

From Anonymous Sex to Intimate Closeness

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:31:38 +0800

Every man's body is like a power generator of creative energy and intense passion. That passion can be felt in many ways--as an aching in the balls, as a fire in the belly, as a yearning of the heart. When a man becomes aware of this energy within himself, he longs to express it and share it with his fellow men. Many men find a way to share their masculine energy by cruising for anonymous sex. Cruising is an ancient, ritualistic, and even spiritual activity. It is a celebration of manly desires, instincts, and impulses, uncluttered by personalities. Few words are spoken--everything is communicated through the flame of the soul which sparkles in the eyes. During anonymous sex, individuals are united on the most basic level--simply as men. But sexuality is not the only way to experience masculine energy. As a cyber-sister wrote to me, every man has a basic need to reach out to other men for companionship, emotional support/intimacy, and comradeship. Sometimes our affections are motivated not by sexual desire but by a desire to connect with another person. Yet due to societal traditions and behavioral restrictions, men are rarely comfortable reaching out to each other in a physical way for fear of sending the wrong messages. It's a shame men can openly express their affections only through romantic love and not through love's other facets. It is a beautiful thing to spend close, intimate time with another man on a platonic level. This closeness may involve touching, caressing, massaging, snuggling, and even falling asleep together. If, during such intimate activities, a man's penis gets hard, he shouldn't get uptight. He should remember that his sexual organs are a part of his total masculine being, and that not every erection has to be satisfied through intercourse. A hard-on is no different than a swelling of emotion or a fluttering of the heart--they're all ways the body expresses the experiences of life. The yearning to express one's masculine passion within the community of men is natural and necessary. However, this yearning often breaks up relationships because men have very little practice in expressing their affections beyond romance. Every man should carefully consider the source of his desires. Does he merely need a simple release of sexual tension, or could he use a strong shoulder to lean on? Through that sort of self-awareness, a man can draw toward himself everything he needs out of life.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE GAY?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 12:02:01 +0800

Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to and fall in love with other men. Their sexual feelings toward men are normal and natural for them. These feelings emerge when they are boys and the feelings continue into adulthood. Although some gay men may also be attracted to women, they usually say that their feelings for men are strongerand more important to them. We know that about one out of ten people in the world is gay or lesbian (lesbians are women who are attracted to other women). This means that in any large group of people, there are usually several gay people present. However, you cannot tell if someone is gay or not unless he or she wants you to know. Gay people blend right in with other people. But they often feel different from other people. Gay teenagers may not be able to specify just why they feel different. All of the guys they know seem to be attracted to girls, so they don't know where they fit in. And, they may not feel comfortable talking with an adult about their feelings. It's not easy to discover that you are gay. Some people in our society make it very clear what they think of gay people. We all hear the terrible jokes, the hurtful stereotypes and the wrong ideas that circulate about gay people. People tend to hate or fear what they don't understand. Some people hate lesbians and gay men. Many people are uncomfortable being around lesbians and gay men. It's no wonder that you might choose to hide your gay feelings from others. You might even be tempted to hide them from yourself. You may wonder if you are normal. Perhaps you worry about people finding out about you. Maybe you avoid other kids who might be gay because of what people will think. Working this hard to conceal your thoughts and feelings is called being in the closet. It is a painful and lonely place to be, even if you stay there in order to survive. It takes a lot of energy to deny your feelings, and it can be costly. You may have tried using alcohol or other drugs to numb yourself against these thoughts. You may have considered suicide. There are alternatives to denying your very valuable feelings. More and more gay kids are learning to feel better about themselves. As you start to listen to your deepest feelings and learn more about what it means to be gay you will begin to be comfortable with your sexuality. This is the process called coming out. The first step in coming out is to tell yourself that you are gay and say, "That's OK." Later you may want to tell someone else--someone you trust to be understanding and sympathetic. You might choose a friend or an adult. You will probably want to meet other gay kids for friendship or a more intimate relationship. Some gay kids are able to come out to their families. You need to decide whether or not to tell your family, and to choose the right time. Lots of people, including parents, simply don't understand gay people and are difficult to come out to. In the beginning, be cautious about whom you tell. But it is crucial to be honest with yourself. Just as self-denial costs you, coming out pays off. Most kids who accept their sexuality say they feel calmer, happier and more confident. Just like our Pop Princess, Kylie, once mentioned in her song;"You're in denial, and that is final You're not admitting, you should be quitting All these queens and fairies, and muscle Marys The rough trade boyfriend, who in his pathetic own way denies he gay Why can't he see this is a fantasy..." ------Isn't that's a damn true!!!