You’re only doing this summer season right if you’re going on staycations, and you’re only doing staycations right if you’re following these rules.
As we head safely and securely out of Bangkok to spend our weekends by the beach or in the mountains, there’s no denying that the hottest thing on our minds right now is the sweet embrace of a bed that is not ours, and a change of scenery that is not the city.
Here, we’ve put together a few staycation etiquette rules you need to follow next time you head out to the likes of Pai, Koh Lipe, or Phuket. Take these with a grain of salt (on the edge of your Margarita glass), as we are somewhat kidding, and bring out the iPad. Online class is officially in session.
[Hero Image Credit: Hermansyah/Unsplash; Featured Image Credit: Svetlana Kuznetsova/Unsplash]
First things first: you need to dress the part. We’re only accepting resort wear, tropical shirts, and tie-dye. Throw in a basket bag if you want to be the star of the staycation. Definitely also bring a film camera to dangle from your neck. Usage is optional, and maybe phone Mum to ask if you don’t know how.
Remember the three S’s: Sunscreen, Sanitiser, Social Distancing
Protect your face (and that entire bod) with sunscreen, even if it’s cloudy. Be sure to use sanitiser or soap and water to wash your paws ever so often. Maintain social — or physical — distance from guests that are not part of your crew. ‘Tis not the season for random mingling.
The temperature of drinks
Staycations are the only time where ice in any odd drink is acceptable. Can you put ice cubes in wine? You can when you’re on a staycation, okay.
It must never be silent.
This is the exception if you’re going on a silent retreat or on a wellness weekend — though for the latter we expect ancient hymns and ocean wave sounds to play in the background. You have to prep a playlist before going, and the more you make, the better. Songs for the ride, songs to get dressed to, songs to eat to, songs to pregame to…
Are you on a staycation? Tell your face mask
If your face is out of office, your face mask should look like it too. Snazz it up a little for the occasion, be it with a fun fashionable face mask or a mask chain. The theme is colour and vibrancy — but keep it pandemic-safe.
You have to do an exotic sport
Look, you’re going to need content for your socials. And you’re going to want to do something you can only do while you’re away. Swimming is cute, but on a staycation, you need to up your game a little. Go surfing, get on a mountain bike, climb, follow a trail, or get on that water jet thing that shoots you up into the air. For those staying in the city, we hear pillow-diving is also quite nice.
Do all these things at your own risk, though.
We expect a full vlog at the end of this
Sorry, was this not a given from the get-go?
Wake up calls
These are not allowed, unless they are for aforementioned exotic sports. Anyone with more than one alarm must be banished. Anyone waking up before 10am (just in time for last breakfast orders) must be banished too. Exceptions can be made for those who rise early to ‘gram the sunrise.
The airport is not opening to international tourists any time soon, so it’s up to you and I to help keep things afloat. Support local businesses, write them reviews on your socials, and leave a tip. It won’t kill you.
Are you on a staycation? Tell your bathrobe
Even if you’re not usually one to wear a bathrobe back home, the rule for staycations is that you must wear the hotel bathrobe that is provided. How else can you make it obvious that you’re lounging with a capital ‘L’? A great item to nap in, hang out in, and eat room service in.
If your friends aren’t jealous, you’re not doing it right
Set up an address for hate mail as your friends are going to want to send you dog poop out of jealousy. Or, befriend the kinds of people that are happy for you when you do nice things. Either works.
You better not bring your everyday diet on this staycation. The holidays are where diets go to die, and this rule is something you should find yourself okay with. Consider it a cheat weekend. Eat all the food, indulge in all the good stuff, and worry about it later. Rejecting ample opportunity to expand your palate and please your tummy? Not cute.
Are you on a staycation? Tell your sunhat
Not only is a sunhat a great way to protect yourself from the sun, it also makes you look good. Bad hair day? No problem. Bad face day? No problem. Feeling chubby? Hat draws all the attention. The bigger, the better.
Or just don’t go
You know that feeling when you stay in Bangkok during Songkran weekend (not this year, this year was weird) and the streets are completely empty and you can get anywhere in under an hour? Think about that before planning your next staycation, maybe. Then you won’t have to abide by any of these rules, either.
Volleyball’s in your court.