The caterer has issues with the wedding planner or the photographer is less-than-thrilled when he finds out who you hired as your DJ. It’s one thing to have to deal with family squabbles but what should a couple do if they’re beginning to experience vendor squabbles, too? If it’s not handled carefully, it could negatively impact your big day.
Keep it quiet
It’s a fact of life that not everyone who’s helping to create a wedding will get along, but assuming the vendors in question are true professionals, they’ll likely keep their feelings to themselves. “If they’re professional enough, the couple won’t even know they didn’t get along until after the wedding,” says Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert who’s co-president of the Emily Post Institute. “They can dislike each other but still work well together.” If you do find out that there’s drama, though? Keep that news to yourself. Nothing fans the flames of a feud quite like everyone talking about it.
Don’t choose sides or involve yourself.
If two wedding vendors are talking badly about each other to the couple, it’s best to immediately shut down the trash talk. “The couple should feel empowered and not just sit there and listen,” advises Post, who suggests saying something along the lines of, “I don’t want to be part of that conversation. Let’s focus on the work we have to do together because I’m really excited about it!”
Whatever you do, don’t ask for more information. “You should remember that anything you have been told is one person’s point of view,” says Post. “You can’t let yourself get sucked into it.”
Listen to certain warnings.
Sometimes a complaint is more of a warning. “If a vendor says, ‘You should know about this person,’ and it’s factual about food safety or the vendor didn’t show up at the last four jobs they’d signed on to do, [then you should listen,]” says Post. These aren’t just personal issues — it’s information (ideally that they can backup) about job performance.
Know when it’s time to step away.
If the tension becomes impossible to deal with and is spreading into other areas, you may have to ask one of the vendors to step aside. Be polite but firm: Say you’re going to find somebody else to do the job. If you signed a contract, though, you’ll have to read the fine print to see what your options are.
This story first appeared on www.marthastewart.com
(Main and Feature Image Credit: Jenny Quicksall)
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